


The Sun-Catcher

by missmirrorball



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Chaptered, Eventual Katara/Zuko (Avatar), F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant - The Legend of Korra, Not Compliant with Avatar Comics, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, mentions of PTSD symptoms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26946616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmirrorball/pseuds/missmirrorball
Summary: Three years after Sozin's Comet, Katara is a diplomat for the Southern Water Tribe and lives and works in the Fire Nation's capital city. She hasn't returned home, she hasn't given Aang an answer to his romantic propositions, and she hasn't decided what she wants to do next. When Aang decides to make an important decision on his own, Katara finds that she hasn't properly dealt with what she went through in the final battle and will need to look inward in order to heal. Zuko is eager to help and the two embark on a journey of rediscovery, finding in each other what they need to move on and find peace in a post-war world.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 80





	1. Katara

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic that I've ever had the guts to post! Of course, I've loved them since the series premiered back in the day but now that the show is on Netflix, I have fallen back down the rabbit hole. Hope you enjoy it!

It was an easy excuse to make. Katara was only fourteen and Aang had to understand that she wouldn’t be comfortable in a romantic relationship until she was at least sixteen. Aang remarked that sixteen was the marrying age for _Northern_ Water Tribe girls and that Katara had always made a point of objecting to her sister tribe’s antiquated views on what girls could and couldn't do.

“This has nothing to do with tradition or custom, Aang,” Katara explained. “Sixteen just feels like a good age and it will give me time to figure out what I want to do and where I want to go.”

“Oh,” Aang started. “I just assumed that —,” he hesitated, “that — well... I thought we would just keep going together.”

“I’m just not sure we have the same ideas about what comes next,” Katara continued. Aang looked downcast and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“But we kissed — you kissed me, in fact!” His eyes grew wide and Katara recalled the moment. It had been so peaceful, Aang leaning against the balustrade at the Jasmine Dragon, the upper ring of Ba Sing Se spread out before them, and it felt natural to lean in.

“And I don’t regret it,” she assured him. Aang responded with a curt nod. Katara searched his face for evidence that he understood what she was saying.

“Okay,” he said after a short pause. “Does this mean... that we’re breaking up?”

“Well,” said Katara, pulling at a piece of her hair, “it’s not as though we’ve been in a relationship these past few months.”

“We haven’t?” Katara watched as Aang’s world seemed to tip. Her habitual instinct to catch and soothe him reared its head, but she tamped it down. Still, she felt guilty. He _had_ been telling everyone that Katara was his girlfriend and she never really corrected him. She just let it happen, too relieved that the war was over to contradict his assumptions. 

“Do you feel like we have?” she asked anyway, wanting to know the depth of Aang’s potential disappointment.

“Yes,” he said quickly, “I’ve been calling you my girlfriend!”

Katara sighed. If she could just be honest with him, then she could relay to him her side in all of this. When preparing herself for this conversation, she felt certain that — although he called her his girlfriend — he knew that they weren't _officially_ together. A relationship required two willing participants, after all, and they never sat down and talked frankly about their feelings. She should have known — especially after the last time he kissed her on Ember Island — that Aang would get himself carried away. That he would see the end of the war as the end of her confusion and that her kissing him was as good as a confirmation of these assumptions.

Honesty had to be the best policy. "Well, I didn't think we were in a relationship." 

There was a pause as Aang seemed to mull over Katara's admittance. His lower lip wobbled slightly but Katara watched as he quickly shook it off. 

It was a hot, autumn day in Caldera City. Katara was still unaccustomed to the heat and she took to eating her lunch in the guest villa gardens, where she and her friends were given accommodation during the coronation. When she asked Aang to join her, he was excited. Now Katara watched as Aang pulled his knees up to his chest, his excitement replaced with hurt. 

“I guess it’s hard to break up with someone you never thought you were with,” said Aang, breaking the silence.

“We never talked about it,” she agreed.

“We’ve been so busy."

“Exactly,” said Katara. “And now that your victory tour is about to start, I thought it best to let you know how I feel.”

“You don't want to come with me?”

“That’s another thing,” she continued, “you never asked me if I wanted to go with you.”

“But —,” Aang started, but then cut himself short. He took a moment to consider his next question. “What do you want to do then?”

“I’m staying here,” stated Katara. “Zuko offered me the position of staying on as a diplomat for the Southern Water Tribe and I accepted.”

“I thought your dad was up for that position?”

“He was, but he’s less of a diplomat and more of a military strategist,” Katara explained, “plus, he's needed at home. He feels like he’d be of more service there and Sokka, of course, will be traveling back and forth between home and Kyoshi Island.”

Aang nodded. He looked defeated.

“Anyway, I just wanted to talk to you about all of this because I don’t want you to wait for me.”

“Of course I’ll wait for you!” Aang exclaimed. “I’ve loved you since you rescued me from that iceberg and I know that we’re meant to be together!”

“If that’s true,” began Katara calmly, attempting to counteract Aang's childish outburst. “If that's true then when we meet again, we’ll see where we are and maybe try it out.”

“I don’t understand,” said Aang, visibly distressed by this offer. “Are you interested in someone else?”

“Yes,” said Katara confidently. Aang blanched and his lower lip trembled again as the question began to squeak out of him — _who?_ — but Katara quickly quelled his anxieties. “Aang, I’m interested in myself. I want to take some time to figure out what my path is before I worry about romantic relationships.”

This seemed to calm his nerves. Aang breathed out a loud sigh and Katara watched as he gathered himself. “Okay,” he said, but this time he sounded placated and it was Katara’s turn to let out a sigh of relief.

“I do love you, Aang,” she assured him. He nodded again, tears welling up in his eyes. Katara swallowed thickly, hating that she had to hurt him. When the two got up and brushed the grass and dirt off themselves, Katara hoped that Aang fully understood this fact: she _did_ love him. But she needed him to know that, at this time, it wasn't romantic. She couldn't promise him that her feelings wouldn't change later on in life, but she also couldn't promise that they would. Her best bet was to make no promises at all. 

When she moved in to embrace her best friend, she did so freely. Only, this time, she did not kiss him. 

* * *

Her “breakup” with Aang had been in late autumn. It was well into winter when Katara found herself eating a bowl of rice for lunch in the breezeway outside of the main meeting hall. 

Her diplomatic duties had left little time for leisure, which Katara was secretly grateful for. It distracted her from feeling lonely and homesick. She missed Aang, of course, and Toph, who returned to her parents months ago, but she mostly missed Sokka. She never in a million years thought she would admit that, but here she was, eating her rice and watching the rainfall in the gardens, missing her stupid older brother.

Her work also helped to divert her attention away from newer, more complicated feelings. When Zuko made her the offer to stay, she accepted with unanticipated urgency. For all her homesickness, she found that she was in no rush to return home. Her home, as she knew it, wouldn't be there anymore. Her father would assume his role as Tribal Cheif and all the men who left to fight would be back to assist in reparations. The matriarchal routines she grew accustomed to would be gone and industry would inevitably creep in. It was exciting in its own way, but she knew it would be difficult for her to go back any time soon.

Zuko's offer had also been a catalyst in stirring up the complicated feelings emerging between her and the new Fire Lord. She spent so much of the past year despising him, living in fear of hearing his voice or seeing his face lurch out of the shadows in a burst of flames, that it was still taking time for her to reconcile this new image of Zuko with the old one. It was the same face, same voice, the same burst of flames, but an entirely different person. If Zuko had only been a banished prince redeemed into a noble monarch, then maybe Katara could reconcile the two of them. But he wasn't only that. He was the boy who jumped in front of lightning for her. The boy who once terrorized her, who fought her tooth and nail to capture the world's only hope — her only hope — and would do anything it took to steal it right from under her. The boy who knocked her out, tied her to a tree, stole her mother's necklace, was now the boy she shared inside jokes with, who defended her, and assigned her the room with the best view of the gardens. 

In all the meetings they had, Katara always held the seat next to him. Her assistance in ending the war and restoring peace had earned her that esteemed position. Everything was different, everything was better, but Katara couldn't help but feel that she was betraying some part of herself that vowed to always hold the Fire Nation as the antagonist in her story.

She sat on the steps outside the meeting hall and imagined herself at six, or nine, even twelve. If little Katara could see her now she would be horrified and devastatingly confused. But little Katara wouldn’t know the full story, so it would be impossible to explain to her how she came to admire the Fire Lord. Not even just a firebender or someone from the Fire Nation, but the _Fire Lord_. And she did admire him. She admired him more than she cared to admit out loud to herself. But in these quiet, solitary moments, Katara took to mulling it over. When had it started? This admiration, this trust? It might have started in the crystal catacombs under Old Ba Sing Se, but that memory is quickly tainted by Zuko’s brutal betrayal.

Even his redemption had been fraught with fear and mistrust on Katara’s part and rightfully so. Of course, she had forgiven him after their visit to Yon Rha but hadn't she already begun to trust him, even before their field trip?

Maybe there wasn’t much left to rationalize. He had proven himself to her time and again and now they were friends — good friends — and allies. Allies in favor of an era of peace, but also allies against Zuko’s council and those citizens who were finding the transition from fascist dictator to diplomatic monarch a tad difficult. She was often treated as the foreigner that she was, his council and various Fire Nation dignitaries failing to recognize that Zuko did not overtake his father alone. Far from it, in fact. They regarded her position as a diplomat and as an equal to them with condescension, as if they were humoring this new, young Fire Lord by pretending this fifteen-year-old Water Tribe girl had any real power.

She couldn't blame them. Their entire empire had been left under the provision of Azula for those last few days and she had been unhinged at the moment of her defeat. Yet none of the adults managed to stand against her; their blind faith in Ozai’s reign had clouded their own judgment and sense of right and wrong. It was Katara — another fourteen-year-old girl — who had managed to subdue her. To chain her to the grates and keep her on her knees while her brother took his rightful place as heir. 

The rain pattered heavily down on the gravel paths and into the small ponds of the main gardens and Katara came back to herself only to notice that she had stopped eating her rice. The politics of the Fire Nation were so trivial compared to what she had seen with Sokka, Aang, and Toph on their travels across the nations. There was so much suffering still and yet she had spent the past few months wrapped up in the menial goings-on of council members and their meaningless expectations of how Zuko’s inner circle should run and what it should look like.

Katara sighed and wrapped her robe tighter around herself, placing her bowl to the side and moving her knees up so she could hug them to her chest. She rested her chin on her arms and continued to watch the rain.

She had been aware of Zuko’s presence for the past few minutes — an ability honed after a year of sleeping with one eye open, and one that still lingered even after months of relative stability — but she waited for him to make the first move.

He walked toward her and Katara moved her head to look over her shoulder, her cheek now resting on her arms. She smiled at him as he approached her.

“Enjoying your lunch?” he asked. She nodded and he sat down next to her on the stone steps.

“I was,” she said. She sat up and leaned back on her hands. The cold stone felt nice on her palms. “But then I was thinking…” she trailed off.

“What were you thinking about?” He turned to her and Katara looked at his face. The same scarred face she had seen so many times in the past year and a half and yet the boy with the scar who fought her on so many occasions was nowhere near the boy with the scar who sat beside her now. His company was welcome now. She even missed him when they were too busy to have lunch or dinner together or to walk through the gardens and talk about their days. He offered a soft smile, his eyes exploring her expression, curiosity evident in the openness of his face.

“I was thinking about little Katara,” she answered.

“Little Katara?” Zuko asked, chuckling at the thought. “Why were you thinking about her?”

“I was thinking about how mad she would be at me if she saw that I’m friends with a firebender and that I’m working _in_ the Fire Nation,” she said.

“Ah." He looked out into the garden. “I guess a lot can change in a short amount of time,” he continued.

“Yeah,” said Katara, “that’s definitely true.” She paused and allowed Zuko the opportunity to respond, but he didn’t. Instead, he kept looking at the pond and the rain that was pouring onto it.

“What would little Zuko say if he was here and he could meet you right now?” she asked.

Zuko moved his gaze back toward Katara and smiled, then looked somewhere over her head in thought. “He would probably think that I was miserable or scared,” he answered slowly. Katara leaned forward with a sudden rush of compassion. Zuko put a hand up. “I mean ...he would see that I’m the Fire Lord and he would probably be worried that his father had been assassinated or something ...and that I was still responsible for a war that he didn’t understand."

Katara nodded. “Would you explain to him that you _aren’t_ miserable, then?”

“I think I would,” said Zuko. “I would definitely tell him that I’m scared, but I think he would be happy over the circumstances of how I became Fire Lord.” He flashed Katara a sideways smile and she reached out to squeeze his arm, nodding in relief. 

“What about little Katara?” Zuko went on. “What would you tell her if she met you right now.”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” she admitted. “It would be so hard to explain — I’ve been sitting here for a while thinking about it.”

“You said earlier that she would be upset,” Zuko prompted.

“She would be,” said Katara, “she’d be mortified and she would think I betrayed her and that I forgot about our mom and everything the Fire Nation had put our tribe through.”

Zuko paused to mull over her statement. “How would you explain it to her?” he asked after a moment, leaning forward on his knees.

“I think I would just have to tell her the whole story,” Katara said plainly, smiling to lighten the mood. “It would just be so strange for her. She hated the Fire Nation so much and she had no idea that there were good people here.”

Zuko nodded and brought his hand up to absentmindedly rub at his chest. Katara caught the movement and the same rush of compassion leaped out of her.

“Is your chest hurting you?” Katara asked, pointing to where Zuko’s hand lay. Underneath his robes, they both knew, was the scar from Azula’s lightning strike — the scar Katara had healed after he had jumped in front of her to save her life. Whenever she caught him rubbing it or touching it absentmindedly, her stomach would twist and her mind would flash to the painful memories of his twitching body curled up on the ground.

“Oh no,” answered Zuko quickly, sensing her tension. “I forget it’s even there.”

Katara knew he was lying, but she wouldn’t press him about it. She breathed in and reminded herself that they were safe now.

“I would have loved to meet little Katara,” said Zuko, in lieu of talking about the scar.

“She would _not_ have loved to meet you,” Katara quipped. Zuko let out a burst of laughter.

They sat together for a moment, smiling and laughing. She had a halting realization that they were alive and well when they could have easily been killed. And not only during that Agni Kai, but many times before then too. He could have died before he ever joined them and she would have never known his kindness. She could have died by Azula's hand before she could heal Aang's lightning strike. Azula could have killed her before she could heal Zuko's lightning strike. 

They both could have died in that desolate courtyard, surrounded by flames.

“Well,” said Zuko, startling Katara back to reality. “Either way …I’m glad your opinion of the Fire Nation has changed a little bit.” 

Katara took in a deep breath and made a conscious decision to leave all of the could-haves behind. It was probably for the best, she thought. They both had work to do.

“A _little_ bit, yeah,” Katara laughed. She rolled her eyes and Zuko laughed again — he knew what she was referring to. It was another day with the crotchety old council members and Katara knew that Zuko was as fed up with them as she was.

“It’ll get better,” he assured her. She shrugged her shoulders and then collected her half-eaten rice and stood up, reaching her hand out to Zuko who took gladly took it. “Back to work, Sifu Hotman.”

“Please don’t call me that,” Zuko groaned, but Katara laughed anyway and Zuko smiled in return. The two walked back to their duties as the rain continued to fall. And while they left, Katara imagined she was also walking away from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12/4: My ideas kept changing for how I wanted this story to play out and I realized that there were a lot of inconsistencies in the first few chapters, so I'm going back and editing them. I just want to make sure that this story is cohesive and makes sense with what I have planned. So don't mind me, I'm just being a perfectionist. :)


	2. Three Years Later

Katara woke up to an upset stomach. _Today had to be the day_ , she thought to herself, with a mixture of excitement and dread.

It was a month since Aang last wrote her and, in his letter, he laid out his plans. After a brief update on the Air Acolytes and the new baby sky bison, Aang provided her with a loose itinerary of where he would be until he arrived in the Fire Nation. First was the Western Air Temple, then he was meeting with Guru Pathik, then he would be in the Fire Nation a week before the World Leaders Committee.

The committee was a week away and her intuition told her that Aang would be eager to see her. His letter had ended with a quick postscript:

_I'm excited to catch up with you! We have a lot to talk about._

The letter had been laying on her desk for weeks now. Katara closed her eyes against the sun, then groaned into her pillow and willed herself out of bed. It was late in the morning, past the hour she should be waking at, but she didn't have any morning meetings planned and she assumed Aang wouldn't arrive before lunch. 

She made her way to her room's adjoining washroom to scrub her face with cool water and brush the knots from her hair.

As she pulled out the tangles with her comb, she looked through the open window over her water basin. The room Zuko had given her looked out into the east wing gardens and she breathed in the intoxicating scent of jasmine and moon lilies. It was a beautiful spring day in Caldera City and Katara felt a rush of excitement over seeing Aang again. But then the dread returned. Every year since she turned sixteen, Aang would ask her for her partnership. And every year she put it off. Now she was almost nineteen. She was three years overdue on their agreement and Aang was anxious for an answer.

She sighed and felt her stomach gurgle with nerves and a little bit of hunger. Her hair was being difficult and she set the comb down in irritation. What was she so nervous about? She tried to imagine what she would tell Aang this time if she truly did not love him the way he wanted her to. A question flashed through her mind: _w_ _ould it be so bad to be with Aang?_ Of course not, she admitted to herself. Of course, they would take care of each other and Aang would be gentle, kind, and encouraging of all of Katara’s hopes and goals. It would be easy, in a way. 

But Katara knew she would eventually regret the decision, and she couldn’t do that to him. If she were going to make a bad decision or do something without knowing full well what the consequences would be, then she wanted the freedom to do so without hurting anyone else in the process. She wanted the freedom to change her mind and Aang was not the type of person to understand that need. Even if he was, Katara thought despondently, she would still find some fault in him.

Katara picked up her comb again and moved back into her bedroom. It was a little messy, as she'd been busy recently and oversleeping more than usual. She maneuvered through her discarded dresses and leggings and sat down on her unmade four-poster bed. Despite the uncharacteristic messiness, the room was lovely. It was the largest room in the guest suite and situated close to the royal quarters. There were larger rooms that Zuko could occupy but he chose a smaller one across the courtyard because the larger rooms had too recently belonged to his father and sister.

The room Katara occupied, Zuko told her, was also where his mother often slept when she was upset with his father, which was frequently. There were a few personal touches of Ursa’s that Katara had left in respect, not wanting to tread on Zuko’s memory of her. One of those personal touches was a small crystal that hung from a delicate silver chain in the window by the bed. At home, Katara would call it a sun-catcher, but she wasn’t sure what it was called in the Fire Nation. It was the perfect accessory for the room, as her windows let in an exorbitant amount of sunlight in the morning. The crystal had a turquoise tint to it, but when it refracted the light, it cast a myriad of colors across the room. It pulled her attention as she worked at her hair; her window so filled with sunshine that the room practically glittered with spots of light and rainbows.

A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts and she jumped slightly. Was Aang here already? She set her comb on the bedside table and moved to answer the door. 

“Good morning." It was Zuko. He raised a hand in a small wave and Katara smiled inadvertently at the gesture. But then a wave of nausea washed over her as she tried to guess why he was there. In the last three years, Zuko rarely made visits to her room. Either Aang was here early or she forgot another appointment. 

“Hi,” she said with some trepidation.

“May I?” Zuko motioned back into her room.

“Oh, sure.” Katara moved aside to let Zuko through. She closed the door behind him, taking a moment to rack her brain for reasons why he was visiting. When she turned around, Zuko was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. She realized that there wasn't anywhere for him to sit, as all the chairs in her room were covered in her belongings. She moved to clear a seat for him, but he made a gesture indicating that he was fine with standing. Katara shrugged and then perched herself at the edge of her bed. 

“Sorry to intrude so early,” he began. Katara shook her head and smiled at him. “I, um …” he paused to look at the sun-catcher hanging in the window. “I remember this,” he said, walking toward the crystal. He pushed it lightly and watched as it swung, rainbow colors swinging with it on the floor and walls.

“It was here when I moved in,” Katara noted, “I assumed it was your mother’s, because of what you said about her using the room.”

“It was,” said Zuko softly. “She bought it at a festival one summer when I was little.”

“Do you know what it’s called?”

“No,” Zuko admitted, “I just called it a crystal.”

“Oh, well, back home we called them sun-catchers but I had never seen one like this until I got here.” Katara got up to stand beside Zuko, leaning against the window sill and moving to stop the crystal from swinging. With the sun-catcher pressed between her forefinger and her thumb, she moved it so that the rainbow grew deeper in color, positioning it so that it caught the most amount of sunlight.

“I always loved it,” said Zuko.

“Yeah, they’re pretty,” agreed Katara. “Was there something you wanted to ask me?”

Zuko nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “I got a letter from Aang that says he should be arriving today.”

“I had a feeling,” said Katara.

“He should arrive around noon,” Zuko continued. “But before he got here, I wanted to ask you something.”

Katara pushed herself off the window sill and stood beside Zuko. She was still in her nightdress and sleeping robe, her hair loose and unkempt despite her best efforts, and she imagined she looked as ill-prepared for the day as she felt. In front of her, Zuko was dressed in his many layers of Fire Lord regalia. His hair was tied up in a neat topknot, the gold Fire Nation crown placed snugly in it. Katara nodded and waited for Zuko to ask his question.

“I wanted to ask you,” Zuko began, his expression earnest in its awkwardness. Katara began to feel a blush creep up her neck. “Um, so …I forgot to mention,” said Zuko.

“Mention what?” Katara asked, amused now with Zuko's flustered state. It calmed her nerves to see a matching blush creep his neck too. 

“Well, this year I decided that instead of just business as usual, that I would also throw a kind of, uh, a gala of sorts,” Zuko was now fully blushing.

“A gala?” Katara asked smugly.

“Yeah, just a festive event to welcome everyone to the Fire Nation and to make the whole Committee thing more, I don't, ...fun?” Zuko looked at Katara, his face red, and shrugged his shoulders in a self-deprecating manner.

“What was the question?” Katara asked — her grin was wide and teasing.

“Oh, right!” Zuko laughed, “I wanted to ask if you would go with me." He paused to assess her reaction, but then he quickly clarified. "As my date.”

“Oh,” Katara was now fully blushing and all thoughts of the day ahead fizzed away as she processed this new information. “I —”

“It’s not like that, really,” Zuko interjected. “It’s just that, well, the older council members have been on me about attending events like these alone. They keep telling me that it makes me look unsociable.”

“Since when do you care what they think?” Katara asked, her hands coming up to her hips, her stance shifting from friendly and teasing to defiant and judgmental.

“I don’t,” Zuko stated. “I just know that they want to see me take a Fire Nation girl as a date and I don’t want to do that. But I do want to take you since you’re one of my best friends,” Zuko smiled down at her. Katara loosened her stance. “And if they get mad at me because I chose to take you, then they’d have to admit why and it would be the perfect opportunity to confront them about how they treat you sometimes.”

Katara dropped her hands back down at her sides. She understood what Zuko meant — these old Fire Nation council members still had a hard time treating Katara as an equal. Even after three years, their understanding of how the war ended was still largely regarded as a joint effort between the Avatar and Zuko. They even wanted new history books written in exactly that manner. Katara had had endless fights with them about how the misrepresentation of the facts was partly what caused the war in the first place. To live in an era of peace, future generations had to be given the full story. Not just the perspective of some old politicians who wanted to preserve the reputation of their nation.

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” Katara sighed. She imagined the reactions of these old men — how they would make a stink about his choice and then be forced to admit what they _really_ meant when they told him he needed to socialize. It made sense to her, but it was also unexpected. There was no reason to doubt the validity of his explanation, but she wondered briefly why he hadn't mentioned this to her sooner. Surely this gala would have been planned for months by now. Zuko was waiting for an answer, she realized. If this had been Aang asking her, she would have hesitated, but this was Zuko.

“So, what do you say?” Katara looked up at him and couldn't find a reason to say no.

“Yes, I’ll go with you,” she smiled. She didn't want to acknowledge how quickly the word "yes" escaped from her mouth.

“Great!" Zuko's face brightened and then he promptly turned back toward the door. "I better get back to work and let you get ready,” he said. She looked down at her untidy appearance and blushed again, but Zuko hardly seemed to notice. Katara beat him to the door to open it for him. Before he stepped out into the hallway he turned, most likely to ask about their lunch plans, but Katara interrupted him with her own question.

“Why did you want to ask me that _before_ Aang got here?”

Zuko paused. Katara waited as he took a moment to consider his answer. “Oh, um,” Zuko rubbed at his chest, fumbling over his words to bide for time. “Aang was probably going to ask you,” he said, wincing a little at the awkwardness of the confession. “And I, uh, I wanted you to go with me and not him.” It was Katara's turn to pause. 

“How—,”

“He’s told me about his expectations,” said Zuko. “And, unless you want to go with him, I thought it might be helpful if you had a good reason to say no.” Zuko paused. “Would you …say yes? If he asked you?”

“No,” Katara answered, and again, she ignored how quickly she answered his question. Zuko nodded and an awkward silence stretched between them. "Thanks," she blurted out and then shut the door in his face, not knowing what else to do. She leaned against the door and listened as Zuko chuckled to himself before walking away.

* * *

Just as Zuko had said, Aang arrived just past noon, flying down on Appa into the courtyard of the Royal Palace. Katara and Zuko had taken their lunch there so they could greet him as soon as he arrived. When Katara felt a shadow pass over her, she looked up and felt a rush of joy at seeing Appa circling down over their heads.

Before Appa's feet could touch the ground, Aang was propelling himself off the sky bison's neck. He drifted down onto his feet in time to catch Katara in his outstretched arms. Aang hugged her tightly and spun her around. When he let go, she was surprised to see how much he had grown into his frame. The last time she saw him, he was tall and lanky, having just gone through a growth spurt, but now he looked like a proper young man. And he was even taller now than he was before, as Katara noted by the way her cheek had pressed against his chest rather than his shoulder. 

“Aang!” she cried happily, a few tears spilling down her cheeks. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Why do you cry every time we see each other these days?” Aang laughed, but his eyes were misty too.

“Maybe if you weren’t gone so long, I wouldn’t cry!” Katara said, hitting him on the arm. Aang grabbed at it in mock pain.

“Aang." Katara turned to see Zuko walking more calmly to greet his friend. 

“Sifu Hotman!” Aang bowed in the customary Fire Nation fashion. Zuko rolled his eyes but returned the gesture. Then they embraced, smiles plastered on both of their faces. Katara beamed as she watched them. 

“It’s so nice to have you back, Aang,” said Katara as Aang began stretching out his shoulders. Just as Aang was about to respond, Katara was knocked back by a lemur pouncing onto her shoulder. Momo’s tail wrapped loosely around her neck while Katara balanced herself. Aang started laughing as Momo chirped at her.

“Hi Momo,” she said fondly. Momo grabbed at her ears and nuzzled into her cheek. Then he leaped onto Zuko’s shoulder to greet him as well. Behind Aang, Appa lowed and Katara rushed forward to hug the sky bison's nose. “And hello to you Appa,” she said into his fur. Appa opened his mouth and licked her face.

“Ugh,” Katara yelped, causing Aang to laugh louder and Zuko to join in. In one swift movement, she pulled the saliva off her body and tossed it aside. “Gross!”

Zuko walked to Appa's wooly head to scratch behind his ears and Appa lowed contentedly. Aang looked around and then jumped back onto Appa's saddle to grab his staff. “Have you heard from Sokka and Suki yet?” he asked as he slid back down Appa's side. Momo bounced from Zuko's shoulder and Aang absently held out his arm for Momo to perch on. “Are they here yet?”

“Sokka and Suki are on their way?” Katara asked. She hadn't heard about them arriving early.

“Yeah, they haven’t written to you guys?” Aang looked confused.

“I heard from the Kyoshi Warriors a few weeks ago,” Zuko mentioned.

“You did?” Katara looked at Zuko. “Neither of them have written to me.”

“That’s weird,” said Aang, but something about his demeanor made Katara feel like he didn’t think it was weird. She gave him a skeptical look and he rubbed his neck. "It's probably a miscommunication," he offered.

“Are you hungry, Aang?” asked Zuko, interrupting their conversation. Aang’s eyes lit up and he clutched his stomach.

“I’m starving!”

“I’ll have a table set, then” Zuko smiled. “Katara and I were in the middle of lunch, so of course you can join us.” 

Katara shot him a wary look, but Zuko busied himself with calling over attendants, and didn't catch it. Aang busied himself with unloading his packs for the attendants to take and Katara stood and watched as her stomach turned with nerves and a small amount of suspicion. 

* * *

Zuko's attendants were quick to set a table for their impromptu lunch in a smaller garden close to Zuko's office. It was far from the quaint lunch Katara had been sharing with Zuko before Aang's arrival; their small bowls of rice and komodo chicken were replaced with bowls of fruit, a platter of dumplings, a carafe of watermelon juice, and an assortment of pastries.

“You didn’t have to do all of this,” Aang exclaimed as the three of them stepped down into the garden. Aang bounded toward the table and sat down, crossing his legs on one of the cushions. He reached for a pastry and a kumquat and began eating in earnest.

“I know," said Zuko, "but it’s been so long since we’ve all been together like this." He took the seat across from Aang and Katara took the cushion beside Zuko. She reached for a moon peach but Momo quickly stole the fruit from her hands, leaping across the table onto Aang’s shoulder. She giggled and reached for another one.

Zuko sat with his back straight, his shoulders pulled back and his head up. He was putting on his Fire Lord posture, which came off as oddly cold and distant. He was never this composed around Aang — even if Aang was the Avatar, he was also one of Zuko’s closest friends. Aang squirmed a little in his seat but continued eating. Katara looked between the two of them and felt herself growing more suspicious. 

“How was the journey?” Zuko asked as he leaned forward to pour himself a glass of watermelon juice. Aang, with his mouth full of kumquat, nodded enthusiastically.

“It was good,” he said after swallowing.

“How was Guru Pathik?” Katara asked. Aang gave her a surprised look and then his facial expression shifted into something Katara couldn’t quite place. Aang cleared his throat and nodded.

“He’s good." Momo’s tiny hands reached for his kumquat and Aang gave the remainder of the fruit to the lemur, then sat with his hands in his lap. “I’ll tell you all about it later on.” Aang gave Katara a reassuring smile and, beside her, Zuko rubbed at his chest. An awkward silence fell upon the table. 

Katara put her moon peach down. Aang was quick to change the subject and move into updates on all the Air Acolytes and baby sky bison but the tension had already affected Katara's appetite. The mixture of excitement and dread that she woke up with was now tipping the scale into dread.

* * *

The rest of lunch went by normally. Zuko suggested Katara take the afternoon off to catch up with Aang. He would have joined them, he said, but he had back-to-back meetings and would be busy until dinner.

So Katara found herself alone with Aang, walking through markets by the docks, breathing in the scent of spices and sea air. Aang bought them mangos peppered with fire flakes, which Katara had come to enjoy in her time in the Fire Nation, and which Aang was eager to try.

At the first bite, Aang’s face turned bright red.

“This is hot!”

Katara laughed and picked at her mango with her hands. “You get used to it,” she told him.

They continued walking, Aang fanning his open mouth, but still picking up another piece with his fingers and popping it in his mouth. Momo had stayed to nap with Appa, so Katara had Aang all to herself. And while Katara still felt a vague sense of unease, she also felt incandescently content. She _did_ love Aang and she loved to be around him.

Their shoulders brushed together as Aang led her down to the water, taking a set of wooden steps to the rocky shore. They found a warm rock in the sunshine and sat together facing the sea, eating their mangos in the comfortable silence.

“It’s good to see you, Katara,” Aang said, his face still pink from the fire flakes.

Katara leaned her head against his shoulder.

“I can’t believe how tall you are,” she said.

“You always say that,” Aang laughed.

“Well, you keep getting taller.”

“That’s how growing works!” Aang said defensively. The two laughed and he shook his head, smiling wide and looking out at the horizon. As their laughter died down, Katara sensed that Aang was dying to ask her something. She stayed quiet to give Aang time to muster up what he would inevitably burst out and ask. He turned toward her and Katara turned toward him and she steeled her nerves and waited for what she had been dreading for weeks.

“Can I ask you something, Katara?”

Katara nodded and fixed her gaze on Aang’s face. He wasn’t looking at her, his eyes were downcast, and Katara wondered how this conversation was going to go.

“Why haven’t you returned home?” Aang looked up and Katara saw concern in his eyes. This was not the question she was expecting. She felt her throat tighten and, before she could stop it, tears were welling up in her eyes. Looking into Aang’s face felt too much all of a sudden, so she looked out at the sea and gathered her knees up to her chest.

“I’m not sure,” said Katara honestly. The question had caught her off guard, so all she could do was answer honestly.

“Sokka wrote to me," Aang explained. "He said he was worried about you."

“What did you tell him?” Katara asked.

“To be honest, I never noticed until he pointed it out to me,” said Aang. "I didn't think it was anything to worry about." Katara laughed sharply. Aang had unknowingly touched on a sore spot.

“I know it’s none of my business…,” Aang began, placing a hand on Katara’s shoulders.

“You’re right, it’s not!” Katara felt a sudden wave of irritation rush over her. She stood up abruptly and the water rose and sloshed around the rock they sat on. Just as suddenly, though, they calmed. Aang was quick to settle them. He stood up and grabbed her elbow, turning her toward him and pulling her into a hug.

Katara let out a strained breath and then allowed herself to be soothed. Not because Aang was particularly comforting but because she didn't want to talk about it. Her irritation was mostly directed at herself anyway. How could she even begin to explain to Aang what she could hardly explain to herself? 

“Are you scared to go home?” Aang asked. She pulled away and rubbed at her face. Then she took a deep breath and looked up at Aang.

“Maybe,” she admitted. “I feel terrible, of course.”

“Then why not visit? Sokka seemed really worried." 

Katara scoffed and rolled her eyes. She didn't want to talk about home.

“He's just being a nosy big brother,” said Katara. She internally swore at Sokka for inuiting her vulnerabilities from across the world.

“Then why did you get so upset just now?” Aang asked. He was still holding onto her elbow and Katara felt guilt crawl up her throat — he was always so gentle and understanding, the perfect Avatar, and especially to her.

“I wasn’t that upset,” Katara leveled. “I’ve been busy here. There’s a lot for me to do here before I can go back home.”

“Alright," he said warily. She pulled herself from his grasp and sighed again.

Eventually, Aang dropped it. He didn't have anymore questions for her either, which Katara was grateful for. As they made their way back to the palace, they talked amiably and discussed the broad strokes of the political goings-on from the last year. If Aang seemed a bit hesitant to talk about Guru Pathik, Katara pretended not to notice and if Katara seemed unwilling to talk about anything other than work, Aang was careful not to prod any deeper.


	3. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will eventually pick up (I promise), I just have a lot to set up before we get to the fun (?) Zuko/Katara parts.

Sokka and Suki arrived by boat two days later. Katara, Aang, and Zuko had been drinking tea in Zuko’s office, each silently reading or working on their own projects when an attendant knocked on Zuko’s office door.

“Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe and Suki, Leader of the Kyoshi Warriors, have arrived, your leadership,” said the attendant.

“Thank you,” said Zuko, standing up from his desk. Katara snorted.

“They make Sokka sound so important,” she said. Aang bounced up from his place on the floor and followed them into the main hall.

In spite of her usual annoyance with her big brother, Katara cracked a wide smile when she saw him in the entryway. “Sokka!” Sokka, who had been talking with Suki, turned around just as Katara leaped and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Hey there,” said Sokka, cooly. “Never thought I’d see you so excited to see me.”

“You’re so tall!” Katara said as she pulled away from her brother. She reached her hand up above his head to show how much taller he had gotten.

“Yeah, well…” said Sokka smugly. “What can I say? I’m a growing boy.” He flexed his muscles and stood a bit taller.

“She said the same about me,” said Aang, going in for his hug. Katara reached for Suki and gave her a tight hug as well.

“I don’t know how you deal with him,” Katara said to her. Suki just laughed.

“It’s good to see you, Katara,” she beamed.

“Zuko!” Sokka pulled Zuko into a bear hug, “How’s it going, buddy?”

“It’s going well,” chuckled Zuko. “Hi Suki,” he said as Suki also moved in for a hug.

“Look at us!” Sokka said proudly. “Together again! All that’s missing is Toph.”

“Oh, she’ll be here any day,” said Zuko.

“Really?” Katara asked. She looked between her friends and felt oddly out of the loop. 

“Yeah, she writes to me all the time,” said Zuko casually, but Katara noted how he blushed lightly. Toph was never shy about who her favorites were. Sokka nodded, indicating that he, as well, received frequent letters from Toph.

“I can’t wait to see her,” said Katara earnestly

“I’m starving,” said Sokka, apropos of nothing. “When’s lunch?”

* * *

Lunch was taken in the same small garden as the lunch she shared with Aang and Zuko two days earlier. The table was set up in a similar manner, with an abundance of fruit piled into bowls alongside rice, steamed vegetables, and grilled komodo chicken. The five of them quickly settled in and began to eat in earnest. And while Katara _was_ enjoying herself, she also felt plagued by a lingering unease stemming from Aang's inquiry the day before. 

As her friends and family chatted amiably, Katara felt an odd sensation — like she was standing at a distance and watching herself eat and talk with her friends. It disoriented her to feel as if she were in two places at once; physically she was sat on a cushion beside Zuko, but in some other realm, she was standing and watching on with longing. And it didn't help that each of her friends seemed to have a better understanding of each other's lives than she did. Even some of Zuko’s anecdotes from that past year were new to her and Katara had been working by his side almost every day. Maybe not _always_ by his side, but she was there, wasn’t she?

She tried to focus, but the more they talked and connected with each other, the more Katara felt like she was outside of herself. Even Aang was talking more about Guru Pathik and the Air Acolytes with Sokka and Suki than he had with her in the last two days. Wasn't Katara his best friend? Her throat began to itch as they went on talking. She swallowed some rice and tried to make herself hear what they were saying.

Slowly, the sensation passed and Katara felt herself come back into her body. And by the time they all finished eating, Katara had somehow exhausted herself and lost her appetite. If any of her friends noticed, though, they stayed quiet. 

Attendants came over and cleared away the empty bowls and plates. Katara listened as Aang and Sokka devolved into an inane argument over who could throw a better boomerang. Aang being insistent that his airbending would make him the superior boomerang thrower while Sokka shook his head dramatically in disbelief. This argument inevitably led to a bet, of sorts. Sokka stood up, swinging his boomerang out of its holster and challenging Aang to a “boomerang-off”, to which Aang humbly accepted. Katara wasn’t paying enough attention to hear what was at stake, if anything was, but she could tell it was all in good humor. 

“Do you need a place to spar?” asked Zuko, half-smiling in amusement.

“This isn’t sparring,” said Sokka seriously.

“Yeah,” smiled Aang. “It’s a competition and I’m gonna win it.”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’ve been trained by a master in the art of combat,” argued Sokka.

“In swords, yeah,” laughed Aang.

“No, not just swords!”

The two continued to bicker until Zuko interrupted to suggest they have their “boomerang-off” in the west wing gardens, that way they would be “less in the way”. Aang and Sokka nodded at each other and then excused themselves. Sokka kissed Suki on the cheek, nodded to Katara and Zuko, then headed out. Aang followed suit, smiling and winking at Katara on his way out. Katara laughed and watched as they disappeared through the garden entrance. When she looked over at Zuko, he was rolling his eyes.

“Well, what are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?” Zuko asked Suki.

“I was thinking of going on a walk,” Suki answered.

“A walk sounds relaxing,” Katara agreed. In reality, she was dead tired and wanted to crawl into her bed. But she figured it would be healthier to join her friend on a walk outside.

“Well, I have some afternoon appointments,” said Zuko. “I’ve already pushed them back by an hour, so I should head back to my office.” He stood up from the table. Suki and Katara stood up as well.

“I’m free to go with you,” said Katara.

* * *

“I hope they don’t hurt themselves,” said Katara after they made their way past the Royal Palace walls. 

“Oh, I’m sure they will,” Suki laughed. “They might be masters, but they’re also idiots.”

Katara laughed too. She led Suki inland to a path that cut through a meadow before sloping up the side of the volcano. It was a beautiful day, as it often was in the Fire Nation, but as they walked, Katara felt herself feeling uneasy again. Suki was quiet by her side and Katara could sense that she was working up to ask her something. 

It took five minutes for Suki to cave. She tucked a piece of short hair behind her ear and chanced a sideways look at Katara. "Can I ask you something?"

“Of course." Katara met her eyes and found genuine concern in them. The back of her throat started to itch again.

“Okay,” said Suki. “You don’t have to answer but…are you okay?”

Katara stopped on the path. Even after five minutes, the path had sloped high enough to offer a promising view of Caldera City. The meadows that stretched out on both sides of them were in the early stages of blooming; the green grass was blowing softly in the breeze and lily buds were shut tight against the sunlight. Suki stopped beside her and waited for her response.

“I think so." She tried to keep her tone even as she answered but Suki seemed unconvinced. 

“Well, Sokka wanted to keep it a surprise," Suki began. "But I thought I should tell you."

“You’re engaged?”

“Oh no!” Suki burst out, shaking her head. “Well, not yet anyway." A blush spread across her cheeks and she giggled uncomfortably. Katara's lips turned up at Suki's sudden timidness before Suki quickly brushed it off and started walking again. “Do you want to know what the surprise is?"

Katara nodded. 

“Zuko is appointing the Kyoshi Warriors as his official royal guards this week," Suki smiled. "So I’ll be moving here to lead them.”

Katara stopped on the trail again and a wide smile spread across her face. "Really?" The thought of having another familiar face in Caldera City sparked an unexpected feeling of relief in her. She missed her friends and she knew that she missed them, but for some reason seeing them again made her miss them all the more. If Suki was staying then maybe some of the longings would go away. Then she brightened again at another thought. "Will Sokka be moving here too?" 

“About half the time, yeah,” answered Suki.

Out of nowhere, Katara felt hot tears spill down her cheeks. Suki noticed them at the same time that Katara did, so when Suki reached to pull Katara into a hug, Katara let herself collapse into an outburst of sobs so unexpected that Katara's legs folded under her. Suki held her up as best she could until she found a small patch of grass just off the trail. Katara lowered herself onto the warm ground and then buried her face into Suki's shoulder, allowing the sobs to roll through her without abandon. 

“Oh, Katara,” said Suki, sadly, as she rubbed her back and pushed her hair out of her face.

“I don’t know why,” Katara hiccuped, her face hot.

“That’s okay,” said Suki.

“No, I don’t know why I’m crying,” Katara continued.

“That’s okay too.”

They sat together for a few minutes. Once the worst part of her sobbing had passed, Katara quickly collected herself. She imagined the earth rising up to meet her. She found comfort in the solidness of her knees against the dirt and thought of Toph. She took a deep breath and pulled away from Suki's embrace. Suki crossed her legs and clasped her hands together in her lap, her head titled slightly as she watched Katara calm herself. 

Suki sighed and repeated her question. “Katara, are you okay?”

When Katara looked up at Suki, she was met with the same look of concern. She expected to see pity or bewilderment, but there was only compassion and worry. Katara took another deep breath and answered honestly. “I don’t think so.”

Suki didn’t say anything at first. Katara could tell that she was mulling over what to say next.

Katara wiped at her eyes and decided to just tell Suki what she was feeling before Suki could figure out how to ask her about it. “It feels like,” she started. Suki looked up and then leaned in to listen. “It feels like I’m not even here.” Tears began to fall from her eyes again, but this time she wouldn't succumb to sobs. Katara let her tears fall freely. “Aang asked me why I haven’t gone home and I told him it was because I’m busy, but I don’t think that’s the real reason.”

“Do you know the real reason?” Suki asked. Katara loved Aang, but she was grateful for Suki’s company in this manner. She seemed to understand that what Katara was trying to explain was inherently difficult to parse. 

“No,” answered Katara. “Maybe I do.”

“When you think about going home, how does it make you feel?”

Katara took a moment to consider the question and then tried to imagine that she was home again. “Homesick,” she said. "And...trapped. Like I don't belong there anymore." Katara closed her eyes against the soft breeze and the warm sunshine. "I miss my dad and Gran Gran so much," she cried. "But I can't bring myself to go back. Whoever I was before I met Aang...she doesn't exist anymore. I'm not the same and I just...don't belong there anymore."

“None of us are who we were before,” assured Suki. "I felt the same way when I went back home. After helping in Ba Sing Se, after being imprisoned at Boiling Rock, after taking that fleet down with Toph and Sokka — none of it felt real until I went back home and I had to face it all."

Katara wiped at her eyes again and began picking blades of grass. 

“I started having nightmares,” Suki continued. “I would scream myself awake because I dreamt I was watching Sokka and Toph fall from that warship and I was too far away to catch them.” 

Katara looked up in surprise. “Why did you never say anything?”

“Because it was too hard to talk about,” said Suki, “but I would talk to Sokka about it all the time and he was having similar nightmares.”

“He was?”

“Of course,” said Suki sympathetically. “I bet if you asked Aang or Zuko, they would say the same thing.”

Guilt flooded through her as Katara imagined her friends having nightmares without her being there to help them. It was the same guilt that crept through her whenever she received a letter from home. For the past three years, she told herself that the work she did as a diplomat made up for not returning to her village. She twirled the blades of grass through her fingers, focusing on the water inside of them. 

“Maybe we should head back,” said Katara. “I’m feeling tired all of sudden.”

“Okay,” said Suki. They stood and brushed the dirt from their legs. Then they started back the way they came.

“I’m happy that you and Sokka will be here now,” said Katara as they neared the palace. 

“Sokka and I are happy too,” she answered. “Sokka won't admit it to you, but he really misses you and he worries about you.”

Katara rolled her eyes. “ _He_ worries about _me?_ ”

“Yeah,” said Suki bluntly, as if it were obvious. “It’ll be good for you two to be close to each other again.”

“We’ll see how long we last,” Katara quipped. She was playacting like she was back to her normal self. Suki took her arm in hers and they walked the rest of the way like that, chatting and laughing as if Katara was fine.

When she got back to her room, though, she made sure to tell an attendant that she was feeling unwell and to let Zuko know she would be absent from dinner. The attendant bowed and headed back up the hallway. When she shut the door behind her, she noticed how quiet it was in her room. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Ursa in this room. Had she ever skipped dinner because she felt too despondent to be around the people she loved? Did she even love Ozai? Katara sighed and made her way to her large, plush bed. The red linens and silk sheets felt cool against her skin and she hugged a pillow against her chest and shut her eyes as hard as she could to will away the tears that were clutching at her throat.

But Katara couldn’t bring herself to fight it. Her tears soaked the pillow under her cheek as a fog seemed to pass over her, lulling her into a doze. And then Katara slipped into a deep sleep and slept into the late morning of the next day.


	4. Aang's New Plan

The past three years had been filled with meetings and documents on trade agreements, peace treaties, and regular correspondence with Katara’s tribe. She was far from removed from the goings-on at home and she had convinced herself that it was as good as visiting. Her gran-gran wrote to her often asking when she’d return home and Katara always responded with the excuse that she still had unfinished work to do. Peace was the goal, but the journey was long and arduous. Gran-gran always understood and Katara always felt guilty for shirking it off, but there it was.

It was almost noon by the time Katara was ready for the day. She was chastising herself for sleeping in so late, hoping that nobody would notice. Lost in her own self admonishing, Katara hurried down the hallway to the library where she could quickly gather her scrolls for the day’s onslaught of meetings. As she rounded the corner and into the breezeway, she found herself colliding with Zuko head-on.

“Sorry,” he said as he grabbed Katara by the arms to keep her from tripping over the scrolls that had tipped out of his arms and onto the floor.

“Oh, sorry!” Katara exclaimed, bending down to collect the scattered scrolls.

Zuko bent down as well and watched placidly as Katara fumbled with his documents. Katara pushed her hair out of her face with one hand while the other grabbed at the scrolls haphazardly. Zuko chuckled and took the few scrolls Katara managed to grab out of her hand. He picked up the rest and stood up, reaching his hand out to help her up. Katara let out a sigh and took his hand.

“We missed you last night,” said Zuko as he rebalanced the scrolls in his arms.

“Sorry,” said Katara.

“I hope you’re feeling better?” Zuko asked, looking genuinely concerned while trying to keep his scrolls from tipping out of his grasp again.

“I can help you carry those,” offered Katara, instead of answering his question. She took some of the scrolls from his pile and Zuko motioned down the hall, back towards where she came.

“I’m going to drop these off in my rooms,” said Zuko. “I want to have something to work on when I can’t sleep.”

Katara followed him and thought of what Suki had said the night before about having nightmares and how she thought Aang or Zuko might have had similar experiences. “Do you find it hard to sleep sometimes?” Katara asked hesitatingly, hoping she wasn’t crossing a line. Zuko didn’t look at her, just kept walking and looking ahead. They walked in silence for a moment until Zuko answered.

“Sometimes, yeah,” he said. “A lot of times, actually…” Zuko looked at her and then it was Katara’s turn to look straight ahead. As they approached Zuko’s door, Katara heard him sigh. He opened the door to his rooms and allowed Katara to walk in ahead of him.

Surprisingly, Katara had never been inside Zuko's rooms before and she was shocked to find that they were a lot larger than her own. Of course, they would be, but she was still taken aback. The first room they entered into was a kind of sitting room, with red couches and mahogany tables. A Pai Sho table was set up by a large, circular window and on a round table in the middle of the room was a vase filled with fresh lilies. Through large, golden doors, Katara could see Zuko’s bedroom. From where she stood, she could see that the four-poster bed was draped with a sheer, red canopy and that the bedding itself was sparse, comprised of two pillows and a single, thin blanket. It was immaculately made, of course.

“Where do you want these?” Katara asked, holding out her armful of scrolls.

“Through here,” motioned Zuko and Katara followed him through the gold doors, into his bedroom, and then through another set of gold doors into a study. The room was dark and lined with bookshelves. Zuko threw quick sparks of flame toward a few of the candles he set up on the desk and the room lit up enough for Katara to see how messy it was compared to the other rooms. “I don’t like anyone coming in here,” said Zuko, as if he could read her mind.

“It’s cozy,” said Katara. Zuko placed his scrolls onto the desk then reached to take the rest from Katara.

“Thanks for the help,” said Zuko, who then sat down at his desk. “I’m just going to organize this a bit.” Katara walked along the bookshelves to examine the titles. Most of them were written in fire nation script, so it was difficult for her to read them, but some were in the common script and she paused to examine them. “A lot of those are Uncle’s books,” said Zuko. “They’re books he wanted to keep in case my father decided to burn our library down or get rid of them.” Katara looked over her shoulder to see Zuko shrug to himself. “Weird uncle things,” he muttered.

“How is Iroh?” Katara asked.

“He’s well,” answered Zuko as he opened drawers and continued organizing the contents of his desk. “He loves his tea shop,” he said through a smile, “and he wants me to visit, but I’ve been so busy.” Katara leaned against one of the armchairs across from Zuko’s desk and watched him as he shuffled things about. “I feel bad,” he said softly, “I do miss him.”

Katara smiled sadly and thought of her gran-gran and her dad back home. “At least he comes here to visit you,” said Katara.

“That’s true,” nodded Zuko. After a few minutes, he seemed to be satisfied with the state of his desk. All of his new scrolls were piled neatly on one side while the older ones had been moved to drawers or put into a separate pile on the opposite side. His inkwell and seal were placed at the front of the desk and then a clean stack of fresh parchment was aligned neatly in the middle. “Back to work,” he sighed and snuffed the candles out before leading Katara back out to the hallway.

* * *

The two were walking back when Katara heard someone call her name from behind her. She turned around to see Aang bounding up to them, waving his hand out and smiling from ear to ear.

“Hey,” he said as he reached them, “I was just at your room to see how you were.”

“I was just helping Zuko with some of his things,” Katara explained. Aang fell into step with them three began walking together back to the main part of the palace.

“So, how are you feeling?” Aang asked, looking at Katara.

“I’m much better,” she answered, “thank you, Aang.”

“No problem,” Aang smiled. “So are we all heading to the same place?”

Katara looked at Aang and then turned her head to look at Zuko. “Not sure,” she answered, “are we?” She asked this question to Zuko.

“Is it not on your schedule?” Zuko asked.

“Is _what_ not on my schedule?”

“It’s probably not! We just moved the meeting up this morning and you were asleep so you probably didn’t get notified,” Aang explained quickly.

“What is it?” Katara asked, still unsure of what they were talking about.

“Oh, a meeting!” Aang said cheerily. “Kind of, anyway. I wanted to propose my plans for the Air Acolytes to you and Zuko!”

“Was I initially invited?” Katara asked skeptically. “This is the first time I’m hearing about it.”

“It was last minute,” said Zuko calmly. “I should have told you earlier, but I’ve been busy.”

“Okay,” Katara shrugged. She didn’t want to look upset that she seemed to be out of the loop yet again, so she suppressed her urge to ask more questions and followed them instead to the royal meeting hall.

A long, mahogany table took up most of the main meeting room and Zuko walked the length of it to sit at the Fire Lord’s customary seat at the end of the table. Katara took her usual place in the seat to his right and Aang, who seemed fidgety and excited about his presentation, all but skipped to the opposite side of the table to make his proposition.

Zuko sat up straight and placed his hands in his lap. Whenever Zuko adopted this Fire Lord posture, Katara always imagined a straight line moving up his back, parallel to the chair, and aligned perfectly with the crown placed evenly in his topknot. Unlike when he met with council members and other dignitaries, as he watched Aang’s excited little dance, Katara noticed that his eyes were soft. He really did love Aang and consider him to be a good friend. How far away this soft expression was from the one he had at their initial introduction. The corners of his mouth were turned up in a smirk as he watched Aang bounce from foot to foot in anticipation of whatever it was he was about to say.

“Katara?” Katara snapped back to attention to see Aang watching her from across the table. “Are you ready for my _presentation_?” The last word was said with exuberant hand gestures which succeeded in eliciting a genuine chuckle out of her. She nodded yes and Aang began to talk about his plans for the Air Acolytes.

“So, as you know,” he began confidently, “I’ve been working with a group of people who wish to study air bending and live as Air Nomads so that one day the Air Nomads might be restored to their former glory.” Katara nodded — she knew all about Aang’s fans and how they joined together to live the nomadic lifestyle of Aang’s lost people. It was a noble cause and she felt great affection towards these people who wished to revive the Air Nomads.

“So far, I’m really happy with how it’s coming along,” continued Aang. “We’re making great progress in finding and studying the ancient practices of my people, but wouldn’t it be even better if we could find _new_ airbenders?” He paused for dramatic effect and Katara felt her heart sink with sorrow.

“Aang,” she began to say, but Aang quickly interrupted her.

“I know that I’m the last airbender,” he said seriously, “but I think there’s a way for new airbenders to be _made._ ”

“Have you considered having children?” Zuko asked, half sarcastically.

Aang rolled his eyes. “Obviously,” he answered, “and of course I _will_ have kids one day.” His eyes caught Katara’s and she watched as a blush crept up his neck. “That’s one way to make new airbenders,” he continued, looking sharply away from Katara, “but I think there’s another way.”

There was a pause as both Zuko and Katara waited for him to go on. He waited for either one of them to say something, but Katara couldn’t think of any other way so she waited to hear his idea. Finally, he inhaled and then said, with as much excitement as Katara had heard him speak with: “Remember when I took away your dad’s firebending?”

Katara looked over at Zuko to see his reaction. She couldn’t quite wrap her mind around what Aang was hinting at, but after a few seconds, she understood. He wanted to give people airbending in the same way that he took firebending away from Ozai. 

“I don’t know,” said Zuko, after a few more seconds of silence.

“Think about it!” Aang began, his eyes alight with possibility, but Zuko raised a hand to stop him. 

“Aang, I am thinking about it,” he said. “I’m thinking that that’s a lot of power to wield, even for the Avatar.”

“I’m not saying it will be easy,” argued Aang.

“That’s not what I mean,” said Zuko. “You’d be choosing who gets to have airbending, right? How would you even choose who becomes a bender?”

“I would give airbending abilities to the Air Acolytes,” Aang answered. Katara opened her mouth to say something, but Aang barreled on. “It would be the same as when an airbender gets their tattoos, only they wouldn’t get their tattoos yet, they would get airbending and _then_ they would train some more after that to become master airbenders.” Zuko sat back in his chair, his posture now folded into a more thoughtful pose. “I wouldn’t just give it out willy-nilly!”

“That would be wonderful,” Katara interjected. Aang began to smile wide, but Katara continued, “but how do you know that you can give people bending abilities? And where would it end? If you can give someone airbending then you could give someone any kind of bending, right? I think Zuko’s right, that would be too much power for one person to hold.”

Aang rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought you guys would be excited,” he said.

“We are,” Katara assured him. “It would be wonderful for the world to have more airbenders in it, but there needs to be a limit to what you can and cannot do.”

“Why?” Aang asked seriously. “If the fire nation can wipe out an entire civilization, why can’t I bring it back?”

“You’re not bringing them back, though,” said Katara carefully. “You’d be creating new airbenders, but they wouldn’t be born as Air Nomads.”

“But they want to be!” Aang exclaimed. “They’ve been working hard studying nomadic traditions and living the original Air Nomad ways of life. How do you think Air Nomads became airbenders in the first place? They learned from nature, from the sky bison, and from the air itself. I would just be giving them the final push!”

The room was silent for a moment while Aang looked to Zuko and Katara for their support. He had been so excited, Katara could tell, but his proposition seemed too good to be true.

“I’m guessing you went to Guru Pathik to ask if giving someone airbending was possible?” Zuko asked.

“I did,” said Aang.

“And he said it was possible?” Katara asked in disbelief.

“He did,” Aang answered, but his answer seemed to be tinged with some sadness. “It took some convincing, but he eventually told me that it was possible and he told me how I could do it.”

“How?” Katara asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Just because you can theoretically doesn’t mean you should,” said Zuko.

Aang sighed, but he seemed determined to sway Zuko’s opinion. “I came here to talk to you guys because I understand that this would affect the entire world and not just the Air Acolytes,” he said. “But I’m also here because you guys are my friends and I need your support.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re asking for permission,” said Zuko.

“No, I’m not,” said Aang with determination. “If there’s a way for me to bring the Air Nomads back, then I’m going to try it.”

“Have you?” Asked Katara, who was now looking back at his odd behavior over the past few days.

“No,” Aang admitted. “There’s a lot more I would have to do before I could try it. I still want to try and find the lion turtle again, too.”

Katara took a deep breath and imagined the possibility. New airbenders! It would be a miracle, to say the least, and it would mean the world to Aang. But there was something about changing how a person’s body worked that never sat right with Katara. It was why she refused to bloodbend and why she knew she would never pass the knowledge down to anyone else — it wasn’t up to her to control someone from the inside. Taking Ozai’s bending away had been a relief to Aang who already felt that he could never willingly take a life, but defeating Ozai had been a necessity. Is creating new airbenders a priority? She wanted to bring it up with Aang, but she knew it would be insensitive. To Aang, she knew, it _was_ a priority.

Zuko seemed to be going through the same thought process because he was also staying quiet. “I don’t know what to say,” said Zuko eventually.

“I don’t either,” Katara confessed.

“Say you support me!” Aang answered. He tried to give his usual smile, but it was half-hearted. “Look,” he went on, “you guys don’t understand what it’s like. I’m the _only_ airbender left and I’m also the Avatar. That means that I can’t be an Air Nomad anymore, which means that there’s no-one left to practice our traditions and way of life. The world _needs_ more airbenders.”

“You’re still an Air Nomad,” assured Katara.

“I am, but I’m the Avatar first,” Aang responded. “And it’s not really about that, it’s about having more airbenders in the world.”

“I suppose it’s not my place to tell you no,” said Zuko with a shrug, “I can’t tell you _not_ to do it.”

“This means a lot to me,” Aang pleaded. “Please, Katara? Will you support me?”

As Katara looked into Aang’s face, she suddenly felt a call to action that had been missing from her life the past three years. She was so afraid of having to confront her past and reject Aang, but what if she leaned in instead? Hadn’t she told herself days earlier that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing? She had felt such passion and drive during the war, determined to help Aang succeed in restoring balance to the world. Hope bloomed in her chest as it occurred to her — maybe she was _meant_ to be with Aang and she had made a mistake in breaking up with him.

Aang was still looking at her and when Katara came back to reality, she noticed that Zuko was also looking at her. She smiled, relieved that she might have found the cure to her despondency and she told Aang that she thought it was a wonderful idea and that he had her full support.

* * *

With Katara’s support and Zuko’s reluctant acceptance, Aang left the meeting hall in high spirits, leaving Zuko and Katara alone again. Aang had left to fly to Ba Sing Se where Toph was visiting with her parents. Since she didn’t trust boats, Aang had agreed to pick her up and bring her back with him. He also wanted to visit Iroh and try his famous tea.

“I’ll tell him the Fire Lord says hi!” Aang called out as he left the room and then it was quiet.

Zuko’s posture changed again, he sat back casually as he turned to face Katara. “Why did you give your support?” Zuko asked her with genuine sounding curiosity.

Katara shrugged. How could she explain to Zuko all that had taken place within her heart during those last few minutes of their meeting? He was waiting for an answer, but Katara didn’t know how to begin.

“Why do you have a hard time sleeping?” Katara asked instead. Zuko looked surprised by the question, but not enough to change the subject.

“Stress,” he said, simply. He seemed to think for a beat. “I get nightmares sometimes.”

“Hmm,” was Katara’s reply. She thought of Suki and her brother.

“Do you get nightmares?” Zuko asked her, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over where Katara knew his star-shaped scar was.

“No,” Katara answered honestly.

“They started recently,” Zuko told her. “After Mai and I broke up, I found that I had more time to think of other…things…than I did before and I started having nightmares.”

“That was almost a year ago,” Katara noted.

“It was,” agreed Zuko. “They’re much better now, but they still happen from time to time.”

“I don’t know why,” said Katara, “but I don’t get nightmares.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing,” Zuko chuckled.

“I’ve been distracting myself,” she admitted. Zuko nodded and his smile faded. “I think I need something new to focus on and I think helping Aang with this might be good for me.”

“How do you know it’s not another distraction?”

For whatever reason, this question irritated Katara, but she didn’t want to snap at Zuko like she would have with Aang, so she held back. Zuko pushed his chair out from the table and stood up. She wondered if he noticed her sudden iciness.

“Why don’t you forget about it for now,” Zuko suggested. “Wait until after the gala and the committee.”

Katara had forgotten about the gala and she wondered why Aang hadn’t asked her yet. Maybe Zuko already told him that he had asked her first. She looked over her shoulder and up at Zuko.

“Aang plans to stay here for a while longer, so you’ll have plenty of time to talk through it with him,” Zuko continued. “I have to get ready for our next meeting.” Katara took the hint and stood up to leave the room with him. As they parted ways towards their respective studies to gather their papers for the next meeting, Katara imagined this new life with Aang. Even if it was a distraction, what was so wrong with distractions? It was a noble distraction and that, in and of itself, was enough for Katara to start to feel hopeful again. She even started to feel excited about the gala, which just the other day she had been too disconnected from to feel anything about, good or bad. Katara felt like there was new life being breathed into her and, for the first time in a while, she felt her heart pound with possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a video essay I watched on the world building of Legend of Korra that talked about how much more compelling it would have been if people could become airbenders by connecting with nature and doing it the way the original airbenders did it (instead of just bc the spirit portal was left open or whatever) and I haven't stopped thinking about that. And I always thought that if Aang can take bending away, why can't he also give it? So that's what I'm trying to explore here. 
> 
> I've done a lot of research, so hopefully the concept makes some sense (don't tell anyone that I'm doing research for a fic and not for the actual academic writing that I SHOULD be writing right now lol).
> 
> Link to the video essay, timestamped at what I'm referencing, here: https://youtu.be/G1_SDy1nlbM?t=1699


	5. The Gala Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toph arrives and the gang has dinner. Then, they get ready for the gala. Katara goes through a range of emotions.

Toph and Aang arrived the night before the gala. To celebrate the gang’s reunion, they gathered for dinner in the grand dining room in the villa where Zuko and Katara lived. The room seemed large to only host six people, but any empty space was quickly filled up with laughter and loud voices.

“Katara!” Aang blew a gust of wind in Katara’s direction, ruffling up her hair and distracting her from her conversation with Suki.

“What is it, Aang?” she asked in mock exasperation. “I’m in the middle of a conversation.” Suki laughed by her side but was nonplussed by the interruption.

“I was just going to ask you if you had anything to say about Toph’s height?” asked Aang, his grin wide and mischievous. Sokka, who sat beside Suki, suppressed a laugh. “You know,” Aang went on, “because we’ve all gotten so tall, right?”

Toph let out a bark of laughter, then swiftly bent the stone floor underneath Aang’s seat, catapulting him up into the air. He landed back in his chair with a gust of air to break his fall and laughing jovially.

“Toph, you _have_ gotten taller,” said Katara in a motherly tone. “Don’t let Aang tease you.”

“I would never let twinkletoes tease me,” said Toph defiantly. “It doesn’t matter how tall I am anyway!”

“And why’s that, Toph?” Sokka asked through a mouthful of food.

“Because,” said Toph, “I’m twice as strong and ten times more powerful than either you or Aang will ever be!”

Sokka chortled, earning him a swift shove forward as Toph bent the earth under his chair. “Hey!” he exclaimed, reaching out for his glass of wine, “you almost made me spill my drink.”

“And another thing,” said Toph, “why don’t I get any wine?”

“You’re too young,” Zuko answered. Katara nodded in agreement while she sipped slowly at her own glass of wine.

“I am not!” Toph shrieked. “I’m almost sixteen.”

Katara smiled at Toph’s defiant indignation while Suki counted on her hands the years that had passed by since the end of the war.

“I guess you are fifteen, huh?” said Suki. “Time flies by, doesn’t it?”

“It sure does,” agreed Sokka.

“I’ll have you know,” Toph continued, “that I invented metalbending _and_ I’m the youngest earthbending master of all time!”

“You’re still too young,” Zuko shrugged. Toph sat back in her seat and crossed her arms but didn’t argue any further.

“Why don’t you shove _his_ chair?” asked Sokka.

“Because I actually like Zuko,” Toph replied. She leaned forward to press her palm against the stone tabletop. “Is that why Aang isn’t drinking either?” she asked Zuko.

“Technically, I’m 115,” Aang answered. “But that’s not why I’m not drinking.”

“Why, do Air Nomads have a thing against drinking?” Sokka asked him.

“No,” said Aang, “it’s because I’m the Avatar and I think it’s important that the Avatar keep a clear head at all times.”

Katara and Zuko nodded sagely in unison.

“Good call,” said Zuko.

“B _ooor_ ing,” said Sokka as he took a generous gulp of wine. Suki reached out and placed a hand on Sokka’s shoulder before reaching down and taking the wine glass from his hand. Sokka let her take it and continued eating.

* * *

Dinner continued in that fashion, with the gang joking and reminiscing on old times. Katara drank her wine slowly but was feeling the effects of it, nonetheless. She couldn’t remember the last time that she felt this happy. It might have been the last time they were all together like this, but she knew it had been some months, at least.

“So much has changed,” Katara said during a lull in the conversation, just as dinner was winding down.

“Yeah,” agreed Sokka. “It sure has.”

“Some things feel the same, though,” Katara amended. “It feels like old times, a little bit.”

“Yeah, except the part where we’re all in imminent danger all of the time,” Zuko quipped. The group laughed together, but less jovially and more in a shared sense of relief. _They got through it_ , Katara thought proudly. She looked up at Aang, who she could tell was already looking at her. She was taken aback by his expression, though, which conveyed some kind of obscure sadness, rather than the affection Katara had become accustomed to. Aang quickly looked away and Katara watched as he seemed to consider something. He looked up at her again and smiled.

“Wanna get some fresh air?” he asked her. Katara nodded, got up, and led Aang out onto the adjoining balcony, away from the chatter of the rest of their friends.

It was a warm evening. The villa that she had been living in for the past three years was outside the palace walls and the balcony afforded a beautiful view of Capital City. The lights of the harbor and the surrounding neighborhoods flickered in the dark as Katara leaned against the railing to take in the sight. Aang shut the door behind him as he followed her outside and crossed the balcony to stand next to her. Between the warm breeze and the wine, Katara felt pliable and hopeful.

“Are you excited about the gala tomorrow?” Aang asked. Katara leaned forward and breathed in the salty air. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and she could feel it tickling her bare arms, reminding her of summer. It was early enough in spring that it wasn’t humid yet and the air felt light and fragrant with new life. “Do you think it’ll be anything like that secret dance party I threw for the Fire Nation kids?”

Katara laughed at the memory. It had been hot when they arrived in the Fire Nation that summer and donned those disguises. She recalled the dance she shared with Aang and how it felt to lose herself in the rhythm of their bodies as they matched each other move for move. _If he asks me again…,_ Katara thought to herself.

“I was going to ask,” Aang started to say, interrupting her thought.

“Yeah?”

“Are you going with anyone tomorrow?”

“Actually,” said Katara. “Zuko asked me to go with him.”

“Oh, okay,” said Aang, sounding suspiciously relieved.

“Yeah, he asked me before you got here,” continued Katara. “If you wanted me to go with you, though…”

“It’s okay,” said Aang. “I think it would be good for you and Zuko to go together.”

“Do you really think so?” Katara asked skeptically.

“Yeah, I mean…he’s been telling me about some of the council members and how they don’t give you the respect that you deserve…” Aang answered, “maybe this will show them that you’re not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” said Katara, looking back out at the harbor in the distance. “I wouldn’t say that I’m not going anywhere, though.”

“Of course,” Aang said quickly. “You can go home if you wanted to…or you could visit me at the Western Air Temple or go wherever you like.”

Katara didn’t respond. Instead, she continued to look out at the lights and toward where the horizon would be if it wasn’t so dark. She looked up and noticed that it was a new moon and all she could see in the sky were stars. Beside her, Aang was quiet as well. He wasn’t looking at her or fidgeting, which would indicate that he had more to say. Rather, he seemed eerily calm and content to stand in silence with her. It felt a bit awkward, Katara realized. It felt like something in their relationship had shifted without her noticing until this moment.

“Have you talked any more to Zuko about your plan?” Katara asked, hoping to guide their conversation back to normal.

“Not yet,” Aang answered. “I think I can convince him, though.”

Katara nodded. “Well, as I told you,” she said, reaching her hand out to place them on top of Aang’s hands, which were clasped and resting on the railing, “you have my full support.”

“Thanks, Katara,” he said softly and with a hint of despondency.

“Aang, is everything okay?” Katara asked. She leaned toward him and looked up into his face. He was looking down into the darkness, avoiding her gaze, but Katara could see that his eyes were full of tears and his lower lip was trembling.

“I need to tell you something,” he sighed.

“You can tell me anything,” assured Katara. Aang looked into her face and slowly pulled his hands away from her touch. As Katara was considering what he could possibly say to her that would cause him this much grief, there was a sudden crash and the sound of the door opening behind them.

“Katara.” It was Zuko. Behind him, Katara could hear Sokka and Toph shouting at each other. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said calmly and with a hint of irritation, “but there’s been an accident.”

Before Katara could ask what happened, Sokka burst out onto the balcony with his arm outstretched like an injured child. “Toph broke my arm!” he declared, walking toward his sister. Katara looked at him in disbelief but saw some obvious swelling in his wrist indicating that, while he probably hadn’t broken his arm, he at least hurt it bad enough to need healing. She sighed and looked over at Aang. Aang shrugged.

“It can wait,” he said, “you should probably fix him.”

“He broke his own arm!” Toph shouted as she too bounded out onto the balcony.

“How is that even possible?” Sokka yelled in defense. Suki brought a pitcher of water outside for Katara to use and, while Katara attempted to heal her brother’s hurt wrist, Toph and Sokka continued to squabble.

The dinner ended after Zuko and Katara managing to force apologies from both Sokka and Toph but, in all the chaos, Katara failed to notice that Aang had slipped away.

“Headache,” Zuko shrugged when Katara asked him where he went. She considered going to his room to continue their talk but had a feeling he wouldn’t be there. Tomorrow would be a busy day and she was anxious that they wouldn’t find a time before the gala to pick up where they left off.

After saying goodnight, the friends parted ways: Sokka, Suki, and Toph toward the west wing and Zuko and Katara back to the east wing. The two walked together in comfortable silence in the dimly lit hallway back to their rooms, Katara growing anxious over what Aang wanted to tell her.

“Was I interrupting something earlier?” Zuko asked, bringing Katara back to herself.

“No,” she lied.

They reached Katara’s room and stood together outside the door for a brief moment. Zuko seemed to anticipate that Katara had more to say.

“Does he seem like he’s hiding something?” Katara asked him.

“What, like something more than his secret plan to make more airbenders?” Zuko asked.

“Maybe that’s all it is,” Katara answered. “I’m probably overthinking things.”

“I don’t think you are,” said Zuko. "He _did_ seem upset when he left." A knot formed in Katara's chest at Zuko's affirmation, but she knew worrying about it wouldn't help her at that moment. She would ask Aang to explain tomorrow, even if they had to find a time during the gala.

Zuko gave her one last reassuring smirk, said goodnight, and continued to walk back to his rooms. Katara sighed, debating to herself whether or not she should find Aang before she went to bed. She decided not to and willed herself to let it go until the morning. 

* * *

Katara stood against a pillar on the second-floor balcony overlooking the palace ballroom. As Zuko’s date, Katara would be announced alongside him and Aang. The second-floor landing was dimmed so that no one could see the Fire Lord as he prepared for his introduction and Katara took a moment to enjoy the colors and sounds of the festivities without being noticed or looked at, scanning the room below to see if she recognized anyone.

She spotted Sokka and Suki by the refreshments. Suki was dressed in what Katara would describe as a formal version of her Kyoshi Warrior uniform – all of the same colors but none of the protective gear. Her face was free from makeup save for some rouge on her lips and cheeks which Katara helped her apply earlier. Her short hair was pulled back and fastened with a decorative clip. She looked radiant and happy, smiling at Sokka as she made him put down half of the desserts he had picked up. Sokka was dressed in his formal Water Tribe attire but without the parka. His shades of blue and white distinguished him from the sea of red, gold, and green that surrounded him. Neither the Southern nor the Northern Water Tribes were well represented, Katara noted, as she spotted another pair of blue robes on the other side of the room. The two figures were Hahn and his advisor, Pilip. Katara had a vague memory of Hahn as the leader of the Northern Water Tribe’s defense against the siege of the Fire Nation. Sokka had remarked about him being Yue’s fiancé, but Katara knew nothing beyond that. She knew even less about Pilip but knew she would be introduced to them both by the end of the night.

Katara sighed to herself. She was still anxious to talk to Aang – who had been busy all day and had no time to catch up with Katara – and was made more anxious by his tardiness and the shrinking window in which Katara hoped to talk to him before the gala began. She shifted her stance, wriggling in her formal robes.

“I hate all of this,” said Zuko from behind her. Katara turned around and watched as Zuko brushed away a few lingering attendants who were busying themselves adjusting his sleeves. They bowed when he dismissed them and left the room murmuring something about needing to find the Avatar.

“Where’s Aang?” Katara asked. Zuko shrugged and made a face like a disgruntled turtleduck. It always made Katara smile when he made that face; it was like the real Zuko was shining through the distinguished façade he so often put on. He came to stand beside her and looked down at the gala. They stood together in the near darkness, looking down at the shimmering opulence below. Katara felt a hand on her lower back and looked up to see Zuko looking at her.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. On instinct, Katara found herself leaning into Zuko’s half-embrace. It might have been the darkness of the balcony and the fact that she felt so unsure about what the rest of the night would bring, but Katara found it easy to rest her forehead on Zuko’s arm and let her anxiety take over a little bit. Zuko’s hand moved up to rub circles on her back and Katara noticed how she could feel the flex of his bicep even through layers of fabric and silks. When she breathed in, she noticed the smell of his clothes, which she knew had been freshly laundered early in the week and then left in the sun to dry. He smelled like a bright afternoon, like grass. But he also smelled like his study, like a blown-out candle and those old books saved by his uncle.

She pulled away slightly and Zuko dropped his arm, but they remained standing close.

“Aang wants to tell me something,” she said. Zuko adjusted his stance so that his hands were clasped behind his back. When Katara looked up at him, he was nodding.

“I don’t know what he wants to tell you,” he responded. “I was thinking about what you said last night and I figured he might have tried to tell you something.”

“What do you think it is?” Katara asked, desperate to get just a little bit of insight. Zuko shrugged.

“I honestly have no idea,” he told her. She could tell he was being honest, so Katara dropped it.

“He also asked me something,” she continued.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“He wanted to know why I haven’t been home yet,” she said, looking down at Sokka, spotting him right away because of how he stood out. Zuko didn’t respond, just stood quietly beside her. “Haven’t you wondered why?” she pressed on, finding his silence mildly off-putting.

“Yes,” he responded, “but I thought you might have your own reasons.”

“So, you just never asked?”

“If you want to travel home, you don’t have to tell me first,” Zuko replied. “You can leave anytime.”

“I know that!” she snapped, turning her body to face him. “I know that,” she repeated, more gently, after seeing Zuko’s worried expression.

“ _Is_ there a reason?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she answered. It was the same answer she had given Aang.

“Wow, Katara!” The two turned around to see Aang walking toward them from the other side of the landing, his bright orange robes standing out against the crimson walls. “You look beautiful,” he said to Katara.

Katara blushed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ears. She was dressed in blue, just like Sokka, but her dress had been embroidered by royal dressmakers and was cut in the Fire Nation fashion. In shape and design, her dress complimented Zuko’s robes, but the blue and white colors stayed true to Katara’s culture. As always, she wore her mother’s necklace, and, with Suki’s help, they had braided her hair-loops and pinned them back into a half topknot.

“Your lordship, we’ve found the Avatar,” announced one of Zuko’s attendants. Aang turned around and waved.

“Yes, thank you,” said Zuko, rolling his eyes playfully.

“Now that everyone has arrived, it’s time for your introductions,” the attendant continued. There was an entire procession ahead of them before they were to be introduced and the three of them stood together at the back of the line, waiting as everyone was introduced to the ballroom one by one.

Katara gave Aang a nudge with her elbow and he turned to look at her.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi,” he said back.

“I’m hoping we can find a time to talk tonight.”

“Yes,” said Aang, “we will.”

Katara felt some of her anxieties ease, but when it was her and Zuko’s turn to be introduced, she felt another wave of anxiety swell in her chest. All eyes were on them as they entered the room together. Zuko had put his arm out for her to take and she suddenly felt the weight of Zuko's decision in asking her to the gala. Close behind her was Aang, who took some of the attention off her, but not enough to distract her from how the council-members were watching her. She had been so caught up in Aang's return, and her own inner confusion, that she had almost forgotten about their distrust in her. She felt a rush of admiration for Zuko for asking her to the gala and, as they began to mingle with the guests, she had a brief thought that Zuko might have asked her for other reasons. However, she put the thought away and tried her hardest to focus solely on the gala.


	6. The Gala Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more drama!

The gala was beautiful and Katara found it surprisingly easy to fill the role of the Fire Lord’s date. Despite her anxieties and her embedded guilt of living and working in the Fire Nation, Katara enjoyed participating in discussions of peace that she and Zuko were having with each guest that approached them. The topics of conversation varied widely from the Fire Nation colonies to the need for new hospitals and Katara found each conversation to be a vital one to have. Zuko, for his part, was as invested as Katara but remained firm that each topic would have its own meeting in the course of the week. He wanted to make sure that each reparation was given the proper attention and his goal in continuing these yearly peace meetings was to do just that.

“This gala is just a way to break the ice,” he said to each guest. “It’s been a year since our last, united peace meetings, so I want everyone to feel welcome and _then_ throughout the week, each concern will be given the proper amount of attention.”

This statement often came in just as Katara was beginning to sound too biased about any given subject. Unless she was discussing the Southern Water Tribe, Zuko would quietly remind her, and the guest she had inadvertently started to argue with, that the gala wasn’t the time for debating. When she talked about her tribe, however, Zuko stood back and stayed quiet while she made her opinions known. Katara appreciated that, as well as the gentle guiding, and by the end of the night, she began to wonder when Zuko had become so magnanimous. It reminded her, oddly, of their trip to track down Yon Rha. Maybe it was royal instinct, to know when to step in and when to hold back, but that wouldn’t explain all the times he had been hot-headed and impulsive, especially in dire circumstances.

“Sometimes I forget,” said Katara, when she and Zuko had a moment to themselves in between introductions and reunions.

“Forget what?” he asked. An attendant approached to offer them wine. Zuko shook his head, but Katara took a glass.

“That you’re the Fire Lord,” she replied. She took a sip of her wine as Zuko considered this. From across the room, Aang’s bright orange robes caught Katara’s eye, reminding her of her previous anxieties. She took another sip of her wine and sighed.

“What’s reminding you?” Zuko asked. Katara snapped back to attention and considered his question. She almost thought that he had read her mind and was asking about what reminded her of her anxiety, but then she remembered their conversation. “Is it this outfit?” he asked, rolling his eyes. Katara laughed as Zuko stepped back to give her a full view of his elaborate robes, including the pointy shoulders. She laughed harder as he tried to spin around in it but found it difficult in all the layers.

“No,” she answered after they had shared a laugh. “Just hearing you talk to everyone,” she said. “I guess I’m just used to the awkward Zuko who doesn’t know if he’s doing the right thing or not.”

Zuko nodded in understanding. “I was confused,” he said. “I don’t feel confused anymore. I’m doing what I need to be doing and I don’t have any doubts about that.”

Katara looked up at him with her glass of wine tucked under her chin. “Must be nice,” she muttered, shifting her gaze askance at where Sokka and Suki were talking with Aang and Toph.

“I know you feel confused,” Zuko began to say. “You can talk to me about it, anytime.”

“I don’t though,” said Katara defiantly. “Or – I know that I’m on the right side and that I’m doing good for the world…” She looked back up at Zuko, who was quietly listening. “I’m just not sure if working in the Fire Nation is right for me right now.”

Zuko didn’t look offended, not that Katara thought he might be, but he did look surprised.

“What do you think _is_ right for you?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

Katara shrugged. “I don’t know,” she answered.

“Seems like there’s a lot you don’t know,” Zuko observed.

“That’s not true,” Katara countered half-heartedly.

“Can I make a suggestion?” Zuko asked. Katara looked up at him and nodded. “I think you should visit your dad and your gran-gran back home and –”

Katara began to protest, but Zuko kept on. “I think you should visit home and see the progress they’re making there in person and use that time to think about what it is _you_ want to do.”

“I don’t want to go home,” said Katara weakly. An attendant came up to offer more refreshments, but Zuko quickly dismissed him. He didn’t ask her why not, but Katara knew that an answer was expected. She wanted to continue telling him (and anyone else that asked) that she didn’t know, but Zuko wouldn’t believe her. “I don’t belong there anymore,” she said.

“That’s not –”

“No, it is true,” she interrupted, knowing what he was going to say. “I left three years ago, just like my dad left, and I’ve seen enough of the world to know that I don’t belong there anymore.”

“I don’t understand,” said Zuko.

Katara shrugged and tightened her grip on her glass of wine. “I don’t feel like the water tribe girl that I was before all of this happened.”

“You aren’t,” said Zuko matter-of-factly.

“They think that I’m –” she cut herself off as she let a tear slip down her cheek. She could feel Zuko moving in closer, but they were still visible to most of their guests, so Katara forced herself to straighten out her face. She wiped at the tear defiantly and turned her face toward the wall and closer to Zuko.

“They think what?”

“They think I’m some hero, but I’m not!” she blurted out. She looked around, but thankfully no one had noticed her raising her voice. Before Zuko could answer, though, the pair were interrupted by the rest of the gang calling out to them and waving them over. Katara composed herself and began to walk toward her friends, but Zuko caught her by the elbow.

“We’ll talk after,” he said to her firmly. He wasn’t letting her get out of talking about it, and Katara knew that he would make a time to listen to her explain herself more. She felt slightly taken aback by the urgency, but she smiled to thank him, and then they walked together to catch up with their friends. 

* * *

Zuko and Toph were engrossed in a discussion with King Kuei on the pros and cons of private earthbending classes versus public bending education, leaving Katara and Aang by themselves. Sokka and Suki had left early because the Kyoshi Warriors were being instated as Zuko’s guards early the next morning and most of the guests were slowly retiring from the gala to prepare for the week ahead.

Katara was keenly aware that Aang had been noticeably social throughout the night, more so than usual, and she suspected that he was probably avoiding her. It made Katara feel like she was boxing him in, even if their situation of ending up alone together had been accidental, and so she decided not to bring up the obvious elephant in the room until he decided to do so.

He did, eventually. Katara let out a sigh of relief and the two decided to talk out on the veranda. As she turned to walk outside, Katara looked over her shoulder in time to see Zuko watching her. She paused and motioned at Aang to let Zuko know she would be outside talking to him. He nodded and smiled – a silent “good luck” – before turning his attention back to Toph and the Earth King.

It was a much cooler night than the night before, although still much more temperate than it would ever be back home. She thought of how long it had been since she last wore her parka and, for the first time in three years, the possibility of returning home conjured feelings of comfort before it reminded her of her fears and insecurities. _That had to be a good first step_ , she thought to herself. She hoped whatever Aang had to tell her would quell her anxiety so that she could talk to Zuko about leaving the Fire Nation. She wanted to understand Aang’s perspective so that she could ask him if she could go with him – maybe Aang could even take her back home, on Appa – so she sat him down on a wooden bench and asked him to pick where he left off the night before.

Aang took a deep breath. Katara gave him a small smile and reached out for his hand. He took it, reluctantly, and then looked down at her.

“I went to visit Pathik,” he started. Katara nodded – this was something she already knew.

“To talk about giving people airbending, yes?”

“Yes, to ask him about energybending,” Aang confirmed. “But also, to finish what I had interrupted the last time I went to see him.”

“You mean when you left before opening up all your chakras?” Katara asked.

“Yeah,” Aang nodded. “I had one chakra left and then I had a vision of you in trouble and I left, leaving it closed forever.”

“It opened again, though, didn’t it? During your fight with Ozai?”

“It did,” said Aang, “but not properly and I wanted to see if opening it the _right_ way could help me better understand energybending and if it would make it possible to give others airbending.”

“Okay,” said Katara, nodding to let Aang know that she understood.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you, though,” said Aang. He pulled his hands away slowly and rubbed the back of his neck apprehensively.

“What is it, Aang?” Katara asked, desperate to get to the bottom of it.

“I almost opened that chakra, but I backed out last minute because opening the chakra meant giving up any earthly attachments.”

Katara didn’t understand and allowed her face to show her confusion. Aang shifted uncomfortably, but then took in a deep breath and met her gaze.

“My earthly attachment was you, Katara,” he said. “And to open the last chakra, I had to give up all my earthly attachments.”

There was a quiet roar in Katara’s ears as she came to understand what Aang was telling her. His earthly attachment _was_ her and he _had_ to give her up. He already gave her up. What did this mean, though, him giving her up? She shook her head and moved her body away from him.

“You’re still my best friend,” said Aang. He sounded far away to Katara. All of her hope of resolving her confusion, of jumping back into the distractions of a call to duty, of going home, of feeling useful again – it was all circling the drain right in front of her. Aang had pulled the plug. “Katara?”

She looked up at him but kept her body angled away, as if readying herself to stand up and leave.

“Katara, I talked to Zuko and I –”

“You talked to Zuko?” Without being aware of it, Katara stood up. Aang stood up as well and moved closer to her, but Katara backed away. “Zuko knew?”

“About Pathik?” Aang asked.

“You told him that you had to give me up?” Katara asked, the roar in her ears getting louder as she imagined Zuko and Aang commiserating behind her back.

“Kind of,” Aang admitted. “I mean, I told him I had to give up hope of marrying you, but he made it seem like you wouldn’t say yes and I have to do what I can to bring back my people and my culture.”

“What if I did want to marry you?” Katara asked. She froze as the question left her mouth, not realizing that she had been hoping he would ask her again. However, as soon as she saw Aang’s expression – a mix of surprise and disbelief – she also knew that she didn’t want to marry him. She wanted to be asked and she wanted to say no. A wave of shame flooded her chest and she turned away from him.

“You don’t want to marry me,” said Aang. “If you did, we would be together by now.” He stepped closer, but Katara kept her back to him. Tears clouded her vision as she looked inside and watched as guests continued to mingle and dance together. Zuko, in his mission to reinstate lost Fire Nation traditions, reestablished a national orchestra. Aang had a suggestion in mind when Zuko brought up this idea and insisted he knew the perfect band to act as the Fire Nation Orchestra and so the Flamey-Os were given the prestigious title.

As she continued to stand with her back to Aang, Katara listened to the Flamey-Os play for the guests at the gala and tried to calm herself down. She felt her tears dripping off her chin and catching on her mother’s necklace, but she didn’t sob, and she remained quiet. Aang repeated her name, so Katara rubbed at her face and straightened out. “I just need some time to think about this,” she answered.

“Okay,” Aang said. “Do you want me to leave now?”

Katara turned to look at him over her shoulder. He looked miserable, slouching in his formal robes, eyes large and concerned and watching her. She shook her head. “No, I’ll leave,” she said. And then she walked away.

* * *

She made it halfway to the villa before she heard Zuko calling her name. Katara wanted to ignore him and keep walking, but her anger suddenly flared up and she found herself turning around and watching him as he jogged to catch up to her.

“How did —”

“You said you didn’t know,” she blurted out. Zuko shook his head in confusion. Before he could ask what, she was talking about, Katara barreled on. “You told me you didn’t know what Aang had to tell me, but he said that he talked to you about it first!”

“About what?” Zuko asked. “About the energybending?”

“That and about how he had to give me _up_ to learn how to do it?” Katara was crying again, but this time she didn’t try to hide it.

“You don’t want him,” said Zuko.

“You don’t know that!” Katara shouted.

“I do,” said Zuko firmly. “You’ve made it clear that you don’t love him that way.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just know, Katara,” he said, frustrated. “It’s been obvious since you took this job that you’re distracting yourself and now you want to run away.”

“Run away?” Katara asked, affronted. “Tell me, Zuko, what am I running away from?”

Zuko stood still as Katara waited for an answer. Katara had a sudden feeling of déjà vu. Suddenly, she and Zuko were back on that bluff, the wind was whipping her hair and Zuko was demanding she tell him why she didn’t trust him. And on that bluff, hadn’t she been reminded of the crystal catacombs? He had a way of pulling her in, of demanding trust.

“You tell me,” said Zuko. Katara rolled her eyes and realized that she was exhausted. “Whatever it is, Katara….,” he went on, “I can’t watch you go through it anymore.”

“What do you —”

“You’re upset that Aang let you go,” Zuko interrupted, “which makes sense…but you need to figure out what you’re running away from.”

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” she blurted out, frustrated that he kept insisting that she was running away from something.

“Why not?” Zuko asked.

“I don’t feel needed,” she said, surprising herself with how desperate she sounded.

“You are needed,” Zuko answered quickly. Katara let out a choked sob and shook her head.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” she continued. Zuko stepped closer to her. “I thought I would feel better after confronting him and after seeing the end of the war, but I can’t go home, and I can’t stay here.”

“Who?”

“What?”

“After confronting who? Yon Rha?”

“Yes,” said Katara.

“Katara,” said Zuko after a brief pause. “I want you here and I know that your family wants to see you at home. You belong in both places. Even though you don’t want to be with Aang, you belong with him too, as his friend. You belong anywhere that you are.”

Katara continued crying, feeling the weight of her exhaustion. She didn’t know how to express to him the depth of her _knowing_ that she didn’t belong. How could she explain to him how displaced she felt, how lost? She knew she couldn’t lie to Aang and she knew he made the right decision in letting her go, but why did she feel so hurt by it? She went from being a staple to her tribe, the girl who helped with the chores and watched the children, and carried on the ancient art of waterbending. She was the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe and her mother had scarified herself to see that she fulfilled that duty. And she found Aang and broke him out of that iceberg. All her life, she had a tangible reason for _being here_. But now…

“I don’t belong here,” she repeated. Zuko seemed frustrated by her inability to tell him anything more than that and he seemed ready to ask her - again - what she meant, but Katara continued: “It should have been me.”

“What?”

“Yon Rha should have killed me,” she said. “And I should’ve just stayed with Aang. I should marry him and have his children and help him bring new airbenders into the world. And yet my mom died in my place and I turned him down. I'm making the wrong decisions.”

“That’s not how I see it,” Zuko argued.

“It doesn’t matter how you see it,” Katara said sharply.

“It does,” said Zuko. Katara rolled her eyes again. “I never thought I would be Fire Lord, let alone allowed back into the Fire Nation, and yet here I am.”

“That’s different.”

“No, it’s not,” Zuko continued. “My mom left to protect me, and my father won’t tell me where she is, and I feel guilt over that but there’s nothing I can do about it now except keep trying.” Katara watched him and realized that he must be exhausted too. “You belong here,” he repeated. “I want you here and I could use your help.”

Katara sighed. She had no idea where her life was going, or if feeling needed would help her feel better. She did know that she was tired.

“What do you need help with?” she asked him, exasperated but willing to change the subject. Zuko gave her a small smile.

“Everything,” he said. “Do you remember when I asked you to join me in fighting Azula?” Katara smiled and nodded. “We make a good team,” he said.

“We do,” Katara agreed.

“I could use a lot of help,” Zuko admitted. “For starters, I’d like to fire all the council-members once and for all, and I could use your help finding replacements.”

Katara’s smile widened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! My ideas for this story keep evolving and I wanted to explore realistic reasons why Katara and Aang DON'T end up together (other than the fact that she's obviously in love with Zuko). Now that that's out of the way, let's hope that things brighten up for Katara! It's always been my headcanon that she works as a diplomat/ambassador and that Zuko would be an important part of helping her work through some of her trauma. And she would help him with his as well, of course!
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	7. Zuko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catching up with Zuko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching POVs. Sorry about the delay! I was writing some other stuff this past month and then I decided to restructure this entire story, so here we are. Hope you enjoy!

After the coronation, Iroh left to reopen the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se’s upper ring. Zuko had begged him to stay, to replace his father’s council members and advise him on how to be the Fire Lord, but his uncle wouldn’t do it.

“I don’t know how to be a Fire Lord,” he explained sagely. “I’ve never been one.”

“Uncle…”

“Nephew,” he continued. “I am only a messenger hawk away.” He gripped Zuko’s arms with both of his hands and looked up at his nephew with an expression of pride and sadness. “I will be sad to leave you, but you must use your own intuition to be the Fire Lord you are meant to be.”

He knew that his uncle was right, of course. He spent most of the past three years defying the old man's advice (much to his own detriment) and had come to trust that his uncle knew what he was talking about. Still, the first month or so of his rule was fraught with change and anxiety for the young Fire Lord. And while the Fire Nation seemed to express relief and joy at his coronation, Zuko was not naive enough to think that his father's loyalists weren't still out there.

Still, the first year offered plenty of distractions. Zuko had too many treaties to write, meetings to hold, and leaders to meet with, to notice if he was doing a good job or not. He wrote to Iroh often, almost once a week, and when he wasn’t shoulder-deep in plans and propositions, he was trying to make it work with Mai.

While all the meetings and discussions over peace treaties and trade agreements filled him with a certain type of hope — one he cultivated to maintain his drive to work harder — it was not uncommon for Zuko to feel deflated at the end of a long day. Mai’s methods of relieving his stress and exhaustion were to divert all “work talk" and distract him with all the mundane parts of her life that she found tiresome and hilariously banal. At first, Zuko appreciated her efforts to distract him, but eventually, her cynicism began to add to his stress more than it was lessening it.

When he finally snapped and asked if there was _anything_ Mai enjoyed in life, she snapped back with the same excuses from Ember Island. So much for starting fresh, Zuko had thought to himself. He was no longer needlessly angsty, so why was she still so disinterested?

“Do you really want to talk about work _all_ the time,” she shouted at him. “Do you expect me to just sit here and listen about every single meeting you had and every little piece of legislation? Or do you want me to keep telling you that it will all be worth it in the end? That nobody will ever suffer again and one day we’ll all hold hands and have peace on earth?”

“No,” he answered, but he secretly thought it might be a better alternative to her regular ennui.

“I’m a realist, Zuko,” she explained to him. “Look,” she continued, her tone softening, “I think you’re doing good work and I _do_ believe that you’re doing an amazing job as Fire Lord, but there’s a lot of work left to do and sometimes it’s best not to dwell on it so much.”

“How does that make you a realist?”

“I just mean that it’s not good to be thinking about work _all_ the time,” she answered. “You want someone who shares your passion, but it’s all you talk about. I think you should try to balance your priorities — you need to think about other aspects of your life.”

“Other aspects of my life?”

“Like relationships,” Mai dead-panned. “Or like the demands of your own people? Maybe?”

Zuko stood back a fraction and made an indignant noise. Mai rolled her eyes and moved her hands so that they were tucked into the sleeves of her robe. “You’re so concerned about all the other nations that you’re kind of neglecting the one you’re actually in charge of.”

Heat crept up the back of Zuko’s neck as Mai stared him down. He couldn’t believe she was accusing him of neglecting his own people, especially after making the argument that he should stop thinking about work all the time.

“The Fire Nation did a lot of damage, Mai,” he said instead, trying his hardest to tamp down his anger. “Right now I _have_ to focus on reparations.”

“I know that,” Mai agreed. She sighed and crossed her arms tighter across her chest. “I’ve just been hearing a lot of…disagreement…from some other people.”

“What do these other people disagree with?” Zuko asked sternly. He knew of disagreements among himself and members of his counsel, but he was curious who Mai had been talking to.

Mai gave him a long look and then sighed again. “Never mind,” she said.

Zuko sighed too. Mai knew Zuko’s stance on the concerns expressed to him by his counsel. They were resistant to the fundamental idea of diplomacy between the nations and resistant to Zuko’s insistence that they would be better off learning from the other nations, rather than distrusting them. He knew that it was a leftover prejudice that had been ingrained in them over the past one hundred years, but he was a little taken aback to hear these sentiments from Mai.

By how Mai hesitated to explain herself further, Zuko knew that she was cognizant of her own internalized prejudices and was reluctant to continue arguing, lest she was forced to admit it out loud. If she had decided to continue her argument, Zuko was sure that he would remain firm in his decision to prioritize the reparations of the three other nations that were irreparably damaged by their own. One of those nations having been completely diminished to just one person.

But Mai didn’t argue further. Instead, she shrugged and changed the subject.

“I’m going back to my room.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. This was a subtle callback to one of their more frequent arguments. It was another jab at his prioritizing other nations — she had argued with him that she should have the room across the courtyard so that she could be closer to him, but Zuko gave the room to Katara instead. His argument then was that Mai would, more often than not, be in his room, so what did it matter that Katara got the closer room? She conceded, but never really let it go.

Her going back to her room meant that she was not done being mad at him. Not only for the disagreement they just had but for other things that she wouldn’t let go of. Like her insistence that Zuko was hiding a past secret fling between him and the waterbender. No matter how many times he denied it, she refused to fully believe him.

When she left, the room was quiet.

When he slept, the stress of the day manifested in an unsettling dream that woke him before sunrise. He tried the next day to make up with her, but their argument had not been their first and it would not be their last. Eventually, Mai broke up with him and then promptly made arrangements to move to Kyoshi Island to spend time with Ty Lee and experience something new.

* * *

His relationship with Mai had lasted almost two years. In that same amount of time, Zuko managed to form a routine that sustained itself well enough. It could be improved upon, but it got him through the day.

He woke every day at sunrise. Even on rainy mornings, he woke with the sun. His bedroom window was west-facing, but it didn’t matter that he couldn’t see the sun shining through his window. Dawn approached and Zuko answered the intrinsic call to rise with it. He preferred a west-facing window because it helped him sleep at night. If he could be aware of the sun setting, then maybe he could also be aware that he was tired and should go to sleep at a regular time.

If he could make the time for it, Zuko would spend the rest of the early morning in the sparring studio. Either he would spar or meditate, depending on the weather. If it was going to be a hot day, he would try to prioritize his firebending stances and combat training. If it was raining, he would either meditate indoors, or sometimes Katara would join him and they would practice yoga or spar in the rain, where Katara was in her element, and he could practice his firebending in adverse conditions.

Then it was time for breakfast. If Katara joined him, she would often meet with him again after changing and getting ready for the day, and they would walk to the Palace together. There was always something to discuss, especially in regards to the Fire Nation’s trade negotiations with the water tribes. And although Katara’s formal position was that of a diplomat for the Southern Water Tribe, Zuko never held back in filling her in on everything else he was working on.

Zuko often thought of offering her a more dynamic position, such as an advisor or a council member, but he knew she would want to stay on as a representative of her tribe. At least, until someone as qualified as her could travel to the Fire Nation to replace her. Considering how small her village was, he doubted it would be any time soon. Still, he harbored hopes that she might be receptive to the idea. He had written to his uncle about the matter and his suggestion was to fire all of his current council members first, then offer the position. And Zuko would take his uncle’s advice verbatim until he had a better handle on his own intuition.

After breakfast, Zuko headed to his office. It was a large room with bookshelves making up each side of the room. His desk faced the door and was centered at the back, situated in front of a large window overlooking the main Palace courtyard. Two plush chairs faced his desk, separated by a globe made of wood, the typography carved so that mountains peaked and valleys sunk in likeness to their real-world counterparts.

In his office, Zuko organized his scrolls based on what he had meetings on that day, what he wished to review for the coming week, and which could be set aside for the next day. His attendants and secretaries were in charge of accepting or denying scrolls from other nobles and representatives and each morning Zuko was welcomed with a fresh pile of proposals and reports. They tended to pile up, so Zuko created another pile that he could take back to his rooms to review later.

After sorting and reviewing, the Fire Lord would then take private meetings and appointments. His attendants would go over his schedule for the day, and then there would be time for one meeting before lunch.

Lunch was always spent with Katara. Three years and every day they would meet in the east wing courtyard to catch up over their steamed rice and vegetables. When they were together, Mai was always too busy to meet for lunch, though she did occasionally join the two of them in the garden. Zuko felt guilty, but he never really paid attention to the exact details of his girlfriend’s daily schedule.

After lunch was the diplomacy meetings, then more appointments, then more reviewing of incoming scrolls, then time to resolve smaller issues, then more meetings to write more proposals and reports and treaties and agreements and negotiations…

Then Zuko would wrap up the day by organizing his documents one final time before taking the stack of scrolls he set aside back with him to his study. He would take his dinner in his sitting room, or the courtyard again if Katara was available, and then the sun would set and he would retire to spend the rest of his evening investing in his own personal projects. Before the breakup, he spent this time with Mai. They would recount their days, Mai attempting to entertain him with her usual despondency, while Zuko always veered back into what needed to be done next. Then Mai would remind him to loosen up, let work go for the night, and he would acquiesce.

Alone, Zuko spent hours reading. Either histories and mythologies, or proposals for projects that were too complicated or expensive to consider, but might be developed on and given the proper attention later in the year.

Sometimes, he would be tired enough to fall asleep. Most of the time, he was so engrossed that the evening would go by without his being aware of it. When he finally made his way to his bedroom, it would be the next day already, meaning he would only be getting maybe three or four hours of sleep. When he was tired enough to fall asleep at a decent time, Zuko would have nightmares. Staying up late could sometimes ward them off, so Zuko saw the lack of sleep as a welcome tradeoff.

Mai was good at soothing him back to sleep after these nightmares, but being alone usually meant that he would remain up for the rest of the night. To compensate, his uncle suggested midday naps. And more meditation and to write it all down. He wrote out his nightmares on the backs of old scrolls, then burnt the scrolls in the fireplace so that no one could find them and read them. Eventually, the nightmares lessened. Everything his uncle suggested helped and he found himself getting more sleep, feeling more energized, and finding solace in his solitary routine.

But then, something changed. He couldn’t say what it was exactly. It might have started when Katara missed one of their one-on-one meetings.

Zuko sat at his desk, staring placidly at the globe in front of him, waiting for an attendant to usher her in. When enough time passed, and Katara hadn't arrived, he got up from his desk and poked his head out into the outer room. He startled one of his secretaries when he spoke, apologizing when the man spilled his glass of water all over his desk.

“Sorry,” said Zuko again. “I just wanted to make sure that I’m supposed to be meeting with Katara.”

The secretary, Seiji, mopped up some of the water with the sleeve of his shirt, then pulled the schedule out from the bottom of a pile of papers. He opened the thick book to a bookmarked page and looked through the list of appointments.

“Looks like it,” said Seiji, looking back up at the Fire Lord.

“Hmm.”

“She’s not here,” said Seiji simply.

“No,” Zuko agreed.

“Should I have someone check on her, sir?”

Zuko nodded and Seiji got up to find an attendant. Zuko moved back into his office and started rifling through some material for a later meeting. After about twenty minutes, his door squeaked open and Katara came in looking disheveled and sleepy.

“I’m so sorry, Zuko,” she started to say. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and hastily sat down in one of the visitor seats. Her hair wasn’t styled in its usual fashion and there were indents in one of her cheeks where her face had recently been pressed against a pillow.

“Did you just wake up?” Zuko asked, even though it was obvious she had. He was so used to seeing her with her hair-loops securely in place, her hair braided or neatly pinned back, that it was slightly unsettling to see her with her hair loose and tumbling in curls over her shoulders. It felt oddly intimate.

Katara cleared her throat and nodded. “I don’t know what happened,” she admitted. He believed her, but he didn’t see any reason to worry. Sometimes people sleep in. He brushed it off and they continued with their meeting as usual. Instead of having lunch with him, though, she excused herself back to her room so she could get ready for the diplomacy meeting.

After this incident, Katara's behavior began to change incrementally. Suddenly, she was making a habit of sleeping and forgetting appointments. During their lunches, she would space out in the middle of a conversation and have to be snapped out of it. She would apologize and continue where they left off, but then she would set her food aside and not touch it for the rest of the hour.

On more than one occasion, Zuko would tell her something only for her to forget it the next day, like she hadn’t been listening. And when she told him something, sometimes she would repeat herself and express surprise when Zuko reminded her that she was repeating herself.

When Zuko finalized the World Leaders Committee by giving it a name and an official schedule of events that he could send to all invited, he was excited to tell Katara. But she showed a shallow level of interest that was so unlike her that Zuko felt compelled to dig a bit deeper.

He was about to ask his uncle for advice (as he did with everything else in his life), but before he could, he received a messenger hawk from the Southern Water Tribe. It was from Sokka. He was expressing concern for his little sister, making note of a marked difference in her behavior over the past few months.

> _Zuko,_
> 
> _Hey buddy! Just got your invitation to the yearly meeting thing. I like the name! Suki is excited to move in and replace your guards. Good idea in hiring the Warriors. I could easily take out your old guards with one throw of my boomerang. It was time for them to go!_
> 
> _I’ll cut to the chase now. I’m writing to ask a question. Have you noticed that Katara is acting a bit weird? Her letters seem weird and I wanted to ask you about it because you see her every day. The whole village is worried about her. You know she hasn’t come home once since she left almost four years ago? I’m starting to think there’s more going on, but I don’t know what. I’ll be there for the committee thing and I might stay a bit longer to help Suki settle in and really check in with Katara, but in the meantime, could you do some covert observation on her and report back to me if anything seems amiss?_
> 
> _Hear from you soon_ _, buddy!_
> 
> _Sokka_

Zuko read the note over a few more times. Sokka was obviously more observant than him, especially if he could sense his sister's odd behavior through letters alone, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to spy on Katara for him. He would much rather confront her himself. The only issue was how busy both of them would be in the coming months and he wasn't sure how she would react to an interrogation. He sighed and added Sokka's scroll to his pile of recent correspondence. On the top of the pile was a proposition from his counsel that suddenly sparked his interest. 

His counsel had been floating the idea of a gala around for the past few months and Zuko, who was previously disinterested, snatched up the proposal with new interest. A plan began to form in his mind as he read through the document. If he could ask Katara as his date to this gala, then he would have a reason to spend more time with her. As a bonus, his counsel would throw a fit at the idea and he would then have the perfect excuse to admonish and fire them for their nationalist sentiments. 

He pulled out a fresh scroll and began a draft of an additional invitation. If approved by everyone, then he could get this invitation out in time. It was mid-winter and it would be cutting it close, but it was still doable.

In the meantime, he decided to keep an eye on Katara and wait a little longer before he asked her outright if she was okay. He also thought it best to wait until Aang arrived, as her behavior might be linked to something going on between her and the Avatar. Although, he had never known Katara to neglect her responsibilities, as she had been, over disputes in her personal life. As he finalized the invitation draft and set it in his outgoing pile, he hoped that the gala might help him get a bit closer to his friend. 

And if his stomach flipped at the thought of taking her as a date, he ignored it. He had more immediate worries to attend to and new preparations to arrange. One of those being a personal invitation to Sokka with an added postscript explaining his intentions in the briefest of terms. To spy on his sister like he asked, and so on.

Then he moved on to the other personal invitations — one to his uncle, one to Aang, another to Suki and the Warriors, then Toph. Aang had expressed an interest in arriving early for the committee, hoping to grab time with the Fire Lord to go over his plans for the Air Acolytes, so Zuko included a postscript to the Avatar’s invitation promising to set aside a time for him once he arrived. As he rolled up and sealed each invitation, he thought of when to tell Katara about this plan. Of course, he would have told her right away, but he settled on waiting until it became official first before he asked her. He also decided to wait because he wasn’t sure if Aang would contact her first and ask her to be his date. He didn’t want to put Katara into an awkward situation, so he would hang back until he heard one way or another from either of them.

If he had known what the gala would bring, Zuko wondered if he would have gone ahead with it at all. Had this all really started with Katara’s tardiness to a meeting? Or had it started when he decided to create an entire event around the premise of her going with him to it?

* * *

His decision made sense at the time, but now he was second-guessing himself. 

He was watching her through the large windows as she talked with Aang on the veranda. He was vaguely aware that Toph and King Kuei had stopped talking, but he wasn't really listening to them to begin with. Instead, Zuko found himself eager to know what they were talking about and if it was going well or not. He was so engrossed in attempting to interpret what he could from where he was, that he didn't hear Toph say his name. 

So Toph punched him hard in the arm and he let out a yelp.

“Got your attention,” she said. He looked around and noticed King Kuei had left.

“Where —”

“He left, but you didn’t notice.” Toph raised her head so that Zuko could hear her more clearly. He looked down at her and wondered what she could sense from him. “You’re worried about something.”

“I should go check on her,” said Zuko in response.

“Who? Sugar Queen?” Toph sounded surprised. She obviously couldn’t sense their conversation from where she was. “Isn’t she with Aang?”

“Yeah, but it looks like she’s upset.”

“Then go!” Toph pushed him toward the ballroom entrance and Zuko lurched forward. He could see Katara’s figure through the window as she walked away from Aang. He hurried out into the hall and jogged through the main entrance.

She was walking briskly down the gravel path away from the Palace, but Zuko quickly caught up with her. He called out her name and she stopped mid-stride. When she turned around, she was noticeably angry. As he began to ask how her talk with Aang went, she quickly interrupted him.

“You said you didn’t know.”

Zuko furrowed his brow and tried to think of what she could be referring to.

“You told me you didn’t know what Aang had to tell me, but he said that he talked to you first!”

This accusation startled him. He tried to explain to her that Aang had only talked to him about the bold strokes of his plan. Katara quickly moved on to other subjects, and Zuko began to get a better sense of what she was going through. For one, her attachment to Aang had always been a nonissue to him and he was surprised to hear her truly saddened by his decision to let her go. He knew from the beginning that Katara couldn’t reciprocate Aang’s feelings and assumed that Katara must have made peace with this fact a long time ago. Her insistence now that she should be with him felt like a nonsensical distraction.

After some back and forth about the implications of Aang letting go of his earthly attachments, Katara made another surprising statement. In a fit of tears, she blurted out that she didn’t belong here. Where? he wanted to know. In the Fire Nation, she explained. She didn’t belong _here_. Her mother died in her place. Aang let her go. Everything that she told him made sense to him, but he couldn't wrap his mind around where it was all coming from.

Eventually, he recognized that her hurt was deeper than he could help her through in one night. So he offered a distraction. Would she want to help him fire his entire counsel? She smiled in response and he let out a sigh.

It might have started months earlier, but there was no doubt in Zuko’s mind that something had nestled its way into Katara’s mind and she was now standing at a precipice. He knew the feeling. His monomania over capturing the Avatar had been rooted in a similar manner. It was never about the Avatar. It was about his scarring and subsequent banishment.

He knew how steep the drop was and, as he walked Katara back to her room, he felt a primal urge to grab her from the ledge. He would try his hardest to do just that, but he knew sometimes you had to fall. They parted ways at her bedroom door. She gave him a small smile and shrugged in a way that said “sorry” and “thank you” at the same time. Zuko squeezed her arm and offered her a wide and genuine smile, one that said plainly: “you are most welcome”.

She opened her door and disappeared into her dark bedroom. And Zuko walked back to his room, determined to figure out what he should do next. Political responsibilities were one thing, but now he felt an impetus to be there for his friend. He could either pull her back or he could try to catch her when she fell. As he mulled it over, getting ready for bed, he wondered if he could make the journey down with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! My perfectionism really got in the way of me wanting to even continue this story, but I have some ideas that I'm excited to explore, so I thought it best to include Zuko's perspective as well. 
> 
> As you can see, Katara is definitely struggling with some PTSD symptoms. I always imagined her as someone who put off her reaction to the war until later so that she could focus on her work, but you can't ignore trauma. It always comes back around and hopefully now that Zuko has clued in on what's going on, he can do his best to help her out!


	8. Tiny Things and Big Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The World Leaders Committee is underway and Zuko has an idea of how he can help Katara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided that I'm going to throw my perfectionism out the window and just let these guys fall in love without worrying about getting every single detail right. 
> 
> Now that the story has caught up to itself, I think it's time for some deep convos, slow burns, and new adventures!

Zuko woke with the sun, as usual. The first day of the World Leaders Committee was reserved for the Earth Kingdom and he was slotted to attend proposal meetings from various villages across the Earth Kingdom for the duration of the day. The villages were grouped together based on location and the meetings would be attended by either Bumi or King Kuei, depending on the districts.

His uncle, much to Zuko’s disappointment, decided to stay in Ba Sing Se. He didn’t give Zuko much of an excuse, but Zuko knew better than to try and persuade him once he’d made up his mind.

As he assembled his regular Fire Lord regalia, Zuko looked out his window into the courtyard. Across the way, he could see Katara’s dark window. It wasn’t necessarily a call for concern, as she usually slept through dawn, but he still watched as if willing to see a sign that she was awake. He wanted to check in on her and he wondered if it would be rude to wake her. Given the circumstances, he could argue that it was necessary. Whatever she was going through, it was now serious enough to warrant regular interventions.

He only felt guilty that he hadn’t started sooner.

His room was just beginning to lighten when he secured his hair into a half topknot and expertly slid the headpiece into place. He was still debating whether to check in on Katara or let her sleep, opening the door to step out, when someone else on the other side opened the door at the same time. It slammed into him and he startled, taking a step back.

“Oh,” said a voice in the hallway. “Sorry, sir.” It was an attendant.

He shuffled out of the way and Zuko stepped around him, shutting the door to his rooms as he did so. “What is it?”

“I was told to fetch you, sir,” said the attendant. “There is a visitor for you in the main courtyard.”

“At the palace?”

“Yes, sir,” he answered. Zuko nodded and the attendant bowed away. Zuko gave a final look down the hallway toward Katara’s room before turning around to head to the palace. _It was probably best to let her sleep in_ , he thought to himself.

His mind shifted to who could be asking for him this early in the morning. If it were someone unknown, then his guards would be accompanying him. Everyone he could think of had already arrived, unless it was someone he wasn’t expecting.

He walked the familiar path from his villa to the main palace, passing his office, then turning into the main courtyard. At first, he didn’t see anyone. But crossing a small wooden bridge over the stream that ran from one pond to another larger one, he saw two figures sitting together underneath a budding cherry blossom.

As he got closer, he recognized Katara’s long, brown hair, the rising sun illuminating the golden tones in her curls. Besides her sat an older man, dressed in a green and gold robe over a darker green tunic, his hair grey and his posture straight and noble.

The edges of his mouth curled up in an involuntary smile as he got closer. Zuko couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Uncle!”

At Zuko’s calling, his uncle turned around, his eyes lighting up. Katara looked over her shoulder as well, a small smile playing on her lips. His uncle stood up and Zuko rushed into his open embrace.

They held each other for a long moment, his uncle’s strong arms wrapped around the younger man’s shoulders. Zuko laughed as they pulled away from each other, his uncle still gripping at his arms.

“Nephew,” said his uncle affectionately. “You’ve gotten taller!”

Zuko shook his head and chuckled, chancing a glance at Katara. “You sound like Katara,” Zuko noted. His uncle looked to Katara who shrugged in response.

“They’re all getting taller,” she said, by way of explanation. Iroh laughed and then motioned for Zuko to join them on the bench. It was long enough to fit all three of them, but it was a tight squeeze. Katara moved over and Zuko situated himself between them.

“You two are up early,” Zuko observed.

“Never went to sleep,” replied Iroh. “I arrived late last night and I was sneaking around in the kitchen for a late-night snack when I was caught red-handed.”

Zuko turned to Katara. She shrugged in response. “Couldn't sleep,” she said.

“You could have woken me,” Zuko said to her. Worry flared up in his chest at the idea of Katara alone and unable to sleep. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned his attention back to his uncle.

“It’s okay, nephew,” Iroh went on. “We had an enlightening conversation and I slept during most of my trip here, so I was not even tired. In fact, Katara’s presence is quite energizing and I enjoyed the past few hours immensely.”

“You’ll have to catch me up, then,” said Zuko. Katara nodded and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. Her hair loops were still braided from the gala, but the rest of her hair was loose and fell across her back. She wore a light blue, long-sleeved tunic underneath a purple, fur-lined robe. _And_ — Zuko thought with an electrifying clarity — _she was beautiful_.

As the sun continued to rise over the eaves surrounding the courtyard, the more sunlight shone directly on her. It brought out the dynamic blue of her eyes when she looked up and met his gaze. He could see the light downy hair on her face, her skin clear and radiant in the direct light. And just as he noticed before, he could see that her hair was not just brown, but golden too. The only blemish he could see were the shadows under her eyes that signaled her lack of sleep.

Her lips curled up in a wider grin as he continued to explore her face. She shook her head and gave him a puzzling look. He didn’t want to know what his uncle’s expression was to his left. “Your eyes are so blue,” he said. He winced at the stupid admission. _Of course they are,_ he thought. “The sun makes them bluer,” he added, now properly flustered.

She surprised him by openly laughing. Over his shoulder, he heard his uncle join in with his own soft chuckle. “The antics of young people,” he said musingly. “I’ll leave you to it,” he added. Zuko turned and stood up alongside him. “I’ll be sleeping in today, I think.” He gave his nephew a final squeeze on the arm, then nodded to Katara.

He began to walk away, but then stopped as if remembering something. “I’ll see what I can learn about the crystal,” he said to Katara. She nodded in response and told him not to worry too much about it. Then his uncle waved again before leaving the courtyard.

The sun was fully visible now, low and bright, rays slanted and bouncing off the roof tiles. It was Zuko’s favorite time of the day. Everything felt wide open, crisp, and new. It fanned the flame in him. When he sat back down and turned to face Katara, he noticed immediately that the same was not true for her. Now that his uncle was gone, she seemed to withdraw into herself, the exhaustion in her face suddenly more pronounced.

“Katara,” he said softly. She looked up and met his gaze again.

“I was just getting something to eat since I couldn’t sleep,” she shrugged. “I ran into Iroh in the kitchen and he asked me how I was and I told him.” She shook her head and sighed, looking out over the larger pond that the two sat beside. “I don’t know why, but I ended up telling him everything that happened.”

“Yeah, Uncle has a way of getting people to open up,” Zuko replied.

She nodded and crossed her legs, setting her elbows down on her knee so she could rest her face in her hands. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Zuko assured her. Katara sat up and turned her entire body to face Zuko.

“I’ve been awful,” she said. “I ruined the gala.”

“You didn’t,” Zuko shook his head. “Do you want to know a secret?”

Katara nodded, their eyes locked.

“I threw the gala so I could spend more time with you,” Zuko admitted, his voice coming out quiet and anxious. “You were sleeping in and missing appointments, but I’ve been so busy that I never took the time to talk to you about it.”

Zuko sat with his hands in his lap, waiting for Katara to respond. She remained quiet — pensive; brows knit — at his side, her fingers picking at the wooden bench.

“I thought if we went together, we might have more opportunities to talk about it all,” he continued, realizing Katara was not going to respond. “I know it’s been difficult for you lately, but I _do_ need your help here. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to and you and I make a great team.”

“I’m still not sure why I feel this way,” Katara said at last. Zuko sighed and reached for her hand, pulling her back to him. She looked up into his eyes and he looked back at her. Birds chirped, bouncing and swooping between the wet grass and the eaves of the breezeways, and Katara looked so tired.

“As I said, we’ll figure it out,” Zuko repeated. “I think you’re dealing with parts of the war that you never let yourself deal with.”

“That's what Suki thinks, too.” Katara’s hands were cold in his, but he could feel them warming against his palms.

“I have a suggestion, but don’t feel any pressure to agree,” said Zuko. “It’s just... I want to help you in any way I can and the best I can think of right now is if we spent more time together. We used to be a lot closer, but our work and our own lives got in the way of that.”

Katara’s smile warbled as they continued looking at each other. “I hate feeling this way,” she choked out. Her eyes filled with tears and only spilled when she shut her eyes against the sun, against Zuko’s intent observation of her emotions. He squeezed her hands in his and felt the sting of tears behind his own eyes. He cleared his throat. 

“I hate that you feel this way,” he agreed. “Do you want to hear my plan?” Katara nodded. “I was thinking that I could wake you up early and we could dedicate some time in the mornings to talk, meditate, anything you need. It’ll be a space for both of us to be honest with each other. We can get to the bottom of what you’re going through. You’ll need to anyway, but this way you won’t have to do it alone.”

“I don’t know, Zuko,” Katara replied softly.

“Look, whatever darkness you’re going through, I’ve been through it too, and I know it’s difficult to do it alone,” Zuko pressed on. “And I’ve been lonely lately and I could use a friend, so I would be getting something from this as well.”

Katara bit her lip as she thought about it. In the breezeways surrounding them, council members, nobles, world leaders, attendants, and guests were all beginning to mill about on their way to meetings. Zuko released Katara’s hands into the small space between them. Katara sat up a bit straighter, noticing that they were no longer alone.

After what felt like ages, she finally looked back up at him and nodded. “Okay,” she said. “I can do that.”

* * *

His meetings with the Earth Kingdom villages were informative and exciting, but they were also draining. There were a lot of projects proposed, issues raised, and conflicts to be resolved or negotiated, and Zuko had the imperceptible feeling that tensions were verging on a breaking point. The Fire Nation was still entrenched in its own nationalist ideals, meaning the threat of domestic terrorism was not uncommon, but his nation was not the only one being threatened from within. This much was confirmed to him during these meetings.

And Zuko knew from his days in Ba Sing Se that, even within the walls of a city, the divisions between rich and poor, political and revolutionary, young and old, were all too alive and at war with each other. The Fire Nation colonies only added more tension, but they were already so engrained into the Earth Kingdom that Zuko could argue that the colonies were no longer either Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom.

In their post-meeting meeting ( _this will be a long week,_ Zuko thought), he sat with Bumi, King Kuei, and his uncle, to discuss the issues that were brought up during the day. There seemed a little bit of worry about some civil unrest, but neither Omashu nor Ba Sing Se seemed too worried about it.

“I’m not sure the focus should lie in the Earth Kingdom,” Iroh chimed in. Bumi nodded sagely across the table, his large hands holding a delicate teacup in a way that Zuko found endearing and hilarious.

“It’s the Water Tribes!” Bumi announced. “I’ve also heard the rumors.”

Zuko sat up straighter, intrigued by this intel. “What do you mean?”

“They are only rumors, Nephew,” Iroh explained. “There is talk that the North and South have conflicting views on the acquisition of oil in the South Pole’s arctic tundra.”

“I know about that,” said Zuko, somewhat impatiently. “Katara brings it up during every diplomacy meeting and has been keeping me updated.”

Iroh looked between his nephew and Bumi. King Kuei sat with his own teacup, his bear snoring by the fireplace, looking intrigued but obviously having nothing to add.

“The North, as you know, is aiding in repairing the South,” Iroh continued. “But there are some disagreements on the unification of the tribes and there are some concerns on both sides about how oil is extracted, where it’s going, and how it’s being used.”

“I thought they were on the same page about the unification,” Zuko added. At least, that was what Katara always presented to him in their meetings. Hahn was his contact for the Northern Water Tribe and, although Hahn and their Tribal Chief had made it clear that no one from their tribe would be traveling to the Fire Nation, Zuko always knew them to be active participants in his peace projects.

Zuko sat back in his seat at the head of the table and clasped his hands together in his lap. “Tomorrow is the Water Tribe meetings,” said Zuko. “Hahn is here to represent the North and we have Katara and Sokka here too, so we can bring these rumors up during the meeting about the unification.”

The three men nodded in agreement and Zuko reached for his tea. “Now,” he said, taking a sip of his uncle’s famous jasmine blend, “what are your thoughts on the monetary incentives?”

* * *

Zuko woke early, as always, the next morning and got dressed in a hurry. He walked down the hall to Katara’s room and knocked softly on the door.

Katara answered looking disheveled and sleepy. Her hair was loose and curling wildly over her shoulders. Zuko stood in the hallway and Katara looked at him through squinted eyes for a few moments, confusion plain on her face.

“Good morning,” said Zuko, breaking the silence.

“Good morning?” Katara asked, rubbing her eyes. “What's going on?”

“Did you already forget about our arrangement?” Zuko asked. He took a step toward her and Katara let him into her room. She shut the door behind him and then walked back to her bed, sitting down heavily on the red linen and then letting herself fall onto her back.

Zuko crossed his arms and looked down at her. The same thought from the morning before manifested in his mind yet again: _she is beautiful._

He shook his head, forcing the thought into some back corner of his mind. Katara grabbed at a rumpled pillow and held it tight against her face, falling back to sleep instantly. She began to snore softly and Zuko looked on with an odd combination of endearment and sadness. Endearment because she looked so peaceful, asleep and warm in her bed, and sad because he couldn’t help but imagine that this was how she looked when she was sleeping through meetings and appointments, avoiding negative feelings in favor of being unconscious.

Zuko sighed and looked around the room for an idea of how to wake her up. He had the urge to leave her alone, to let her sleep, and to take it at her pace, but he knew that there was only so much avoidance one person could do before they needed an external push.

He sat down on the edge of her bed and reached out to shake her shoulder. She groaned at the movement, digging her face more into her pillow and turning further away from him.

“Katara,” he said, trying to sound stern. She rolled onto her stomach and mumbled something into the sheets. He leaned forward to hear her. “What was that?”

The moment felt intensely intimate as he scooted closer to her, leaning his face down to hear her. Katara turned her face to him, her left cheek pressed against the bed, and repeated herself. “Why can’t we start tomorrow?”

Zuko sat back up and placed a hand on her back. He waited for her to move, to either push him away or approve of this gesture, but she seemed to have fallen back to sleep. Zuko sighed and started to rub small circles on her back. Like he did before the gala — it was something friends did, right?

Katara shifted, rolling onto her side to face him fully, and groaned again.

“It’s Water Tribe day,” he said, pulling his hand back, “so you should wake up anyway.”

"I don't want to, though," said Katara simply. Zuko laughed. 

"Come on, it'll be good for you," Zuko pressed on. "I'll wait for you in the sparring studio."

Zuko got up and left her room. He was already dressed in his training robes so he walked the hallway up to the far side of the east wing where his studio looked out onto another garden. 

He set up two zafus, placing them next to each other on the garden patio, then chose some incense from a cabinet and placed them on the small garden table. As he sat down and began to take off his boots, the studio door slid open and Katara walked in. 

"You made it," he said, motioning her outside. She walked through the open door and descended into the patio. Her hair was brushed and pulled back in its usual style and she was dressed in her every day Water Tribe robes. She yawned as she sat down onto the zafu beside him before untying her own boots. 

"Here I am," she said with a sleepy smile. With her boots off, Katara tucked her feet into a loose lotus position. She stretched her arms up over her head and then let them drop into her lap. "I'm not the best at meditating," she warned.

"We don't have to meditate," he said. "We can just talk."

Katara loosened her stance and rubbed her face with the heel of her palms. "What do you want to talk about?" 

"I had a meeting with Uncle, Bumi, and Kuei yesterday," he started. Katara quirked an eyebrow and looked over at him.

"Oh?"

"Uncle mentioned a rumor," Zuko went on, "something about the Water Tribes not seeing eye to eye."

Katara rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders.

"You know about this?" he asked.

"Yes," Katara sighed, "I knew about the rumor but I never thought it would turn into anything serious."

"Is it?" Zuko asked, "Turning into something serious?"

"Maybe," Katara answered. "I was waiting for Hahn to get here, to see for myself."

Zuko nodded. "And?"

"I don't know yet," Katara answered. "We'll see after today."

"Right..." Zuko sat and let the silence grow between them.

"Are we going to meditate?" Katara cut in. "Since you dragged me out of bed for it?"

Zuko let out a small laugh and shrugged. "If you want."

"Or did you arrange these 'meditation sessions' so that I wouldn't sleep through any more appointments?" Katara gave him a wry smile.

"I arranged them so you could tell me _why_ you sleep through appointments," Zuko countered. "You know that."

Katara unfolded her legs and stretched them out in front of her. She was impressively flexible and could fold herself so that her chest was flush against her thighs. She grabbed onto the soles of her feet and held that position for a few breaths. "Or we could do yoga," Zuko offered. 

"I don't know why I sleep in," she answered, unrolling herself back to a sitting position. "It's like my body just...hibernates."

"Hibernates?"

"Like a polar bear dog," she said. "Like I'm nestled under the snow and preserving whatever warmth or energy I have left."

"Hmm."

"Which doesn't make any sense," Katara continued, "since I'm not a polar bear dog and there's no reason for me to be saving up energy. It's just that sleeping is the only time where I'm not second-guessing myself or feeling so anxious that I can't eat anything."

"You're not eating?"

"I force myself to eat," she answered nonchalantly. "Not all the time, but a lot more recently."

"I didn't realize how bad it was," Zuko noted. He was of course aware of the last two weeks being particularly difficult for Katara, assuming that her desire to leave the Fire Nation was her attempt at a hasty fix to a temporary problem, but Katara was explaining a problem that sounded more long-term. "How long has this been going on?"

"Awhile," she admitted. "I was telling Iroh last night...he was helping me figure out when it started, but I can't think of anything that upset me in the last couple of months."

"Maybe it wasn't just one thing," Zuko offered. He remembered those first few weeks after the Agni Kai with his father and his subsequent banishment, how his behavior had been irrational and monomaniacal. Even without being aware of what was happening to him, he could at least recognize that his behavior and his disproportionate self-admonishment were directly correlated with the events of his scarring. He even had the physical proof, scorched onto his face. And even with all the clues there, his confusion still spanned the three years it took him to switch sides.

Zuko watched as Katara got up from her zafu and walked onto the grass nearby. She crouched down and carefully separated the dew drops from where they clung to the blades of grass, sweeping them together into a small sphere of water that she carried with her back to her cushion. The water undulated between her two hands, her fingers long and elegant as they kept the water together. He was about to ask why she did that when she began to explain unprompted. 

"It's difficult to separate water sometimes," she said. "Like taking dew from the grass, it's difficult to move only the dew and not the water inside the grass. Water is cohesive, so it wants to move together."

Katara curled her fingers and the water separated, the singular sphere now split into dozens of smaller spheres. "I think about it like this," she explained, "when I can't figure out what happened to make me feel a certain way...that maybe it's just a bunch of little things that grouped together and now it's one big thing instead of a bunch of tiny things."

"Makes sense," Zuko nodded. 

"I should have paid attention to the small things," Katara admitted, "before it got out of hand."

"That's not your fault," Zuko argued. "Small things happen all the time."

Katara let the water group back together before tossing it into the grass. She took in a deep breath and stretched her shoulders. Zuko couldn't help himself from noticing the lean muscles of her arms as she stretched them back and up over her head. She turned to face him, but thankfully she didn't seem to notice his flushed cheeks. 

"I really want to go back to sleep," she admitted. "I feel like I'll be useless during the meetings today and it feels like I use up all of my energy just trying not to cry."

"Did you tell Uncle about all of this?" Zuko asked out of curiosity. She nodded. 

"Yeah and he told me that it's normal," she answered. "He told me about soldiers after a violent battle...how some have nightmares and can't stop thinking about it while others act like everything is fine until years later when they start to realize that the pain of remembering is too hard and they do whatever they can to numb themselves." She wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her hands up and down her upper arms. "Then some are angry and others shut down..." She took a deep breath. "Others have nightmares." She turned her head to look at him. He definitely has the nightmares, but he also remembers his years at sea and his uncontrollable anger. Uncle told him then that everything he went through was to be expected. He didn't want to listen, but of course, Iroh was always right. 

"Whatever the soldiers went through though," Katara continued, "Iroh noticed that the best way for a soldier to 'get over it' was to keep a light shined on it." 

"He's told me that plenty of times," Zuko observed. "I always ignored him, though, until recently."

Katara laughed and nodded to herself. “It sounds strange but it made sense to me. So much has happened since I found Aang — lots of tiny things and lots of big things, too, but I’ve been keeping it hidden in the dark and now it’s this big messy thing inside me and I can’t —“

Katara’s voice broke and she ducked her head as she began to cry. Zuko was always awkward in emotional situations like these, but found that he possessed an instinctual reaction when it came to seeing Katara cry. He scooted off his zafu and moved onto his knees, reaching for her as her body shook with her sobs. 

“It’s too big for my body,” she cried, her words muffled against the fabric of Zuko’s robes. Without thinking, he had lunged forward to pull her into a hug. It reminded him of his reunion with his uncle, when he had forgiven him against all odds, and the relief he felt to be sobbing into the shoulder of someone who loved him and who he trusted wholeheartedly. 

  
Katara let Zuko hug her, but she kept her arms at her sides. “Every time it feels it’ll just pour out of me, I panic,” she went on. “And it feels like I’m watching myself from somewhere high up and I’m hating this girl who can’t stop crying but I don’t know how to make it stop.” 

She bowed her head so that her face was fully pressed against Zuko’s shoulder. Again, he found himself in a position to rub her back. At the gala, he had done it on instinct and she had leaned into the gesture. His heart had been pounding in that dark room, but she never told him to stop. 

Then when he tried to wake her up, she had been asleep and maybe didn’t realize that he was rubbing her back. And now, she wasn’t hugging him back, but she wasn’t pulling away either. He thought of his mother, his uncle...the two people who rubbed his back when he was younger. When the world felt too hot and too cruel for his sensitivities, he always felt soothed and anchored when his mother rubbed his back. When he was thirteen and earning his sea legs, his uncle rubbed his back as he retched into a bucket or over the railing. It eased his sea-sickness and gave him a soothing sensation to focus on.

So he rubbed her back. Small circles at first, then larger ones as she began to calm down.

When she pulled away and wiped at her eyes, she was smiling. “I’m exhausted,” she said. 

“I see what you mean now,” Zuko nodded. “Do you want to try to rest a little longer? I can come back and wake you up in time for the first meeting.”

Katara blinked against the sun, wiping away leftover tears with her thumb. “Okay,” she nodded.

They stood up together and Zuko carried the zafus back to the cabinet with the incense.   
  
As he walked Katara back to her room, he noted the difference from when he walked her back after the gala. She hadn’t even mentioned Aang since, confirming Zuko’s suspicion that she was using Aang’s new plan as a distraction, a temporary fix. 

Before Katara opened her door, she turned to Zuko. “I know I’m tired now, but I think I feel better.”

”It’ll take time,” he replied, shrugging in their way of saying 'of course it will'. Her lips quirked up in a half-smile.   
  
“Well, if how I feel now is any indication, I think I like this new arrangement of yours, Zuko.”   
  
Katara opened her door. The sun was shining through her east-facing windows and Zuko looked down at his feet, where the sun-catcher had cast rainbows across the floor.

She disappeared into her room and Zuko walked back to his rooms to get ready. There was still so much to talk about between them. They didn't even touch on what she told him the night of the gala, about not belonging anywhere and about feeling obligated to be a certain person for other people. For now, he was perfectly happy to help her through the tiny things and he was grateful to have her on his side in the face of potential unrest between the Water Tribes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! When I talk about throwing my perfectionism out the window, I'm mostly referring to my obsession with setting things up in a way that'll pay off later, but I think it's a fool's errand. I keep changing my mind anyway as the story just develops in its own direction despite my planning. 
> 
> Also, I'm aware that neither polar bears nor dogs hibernate but... perfectionism is gone now so.


	9. Katara Part II

Katara let Zuko lead her back to her bedroom, her eyes red and swollen from crying. Their "meditation" session _had_ been helpful and she was grateful to Zuko for waking her up, but sleep still tugged behind her eyes. She also felt a vague sense of embarrassment over having another breakdown in front of the Fire Lord, despite his insistence that he understood what she was feeling. 

She listened to his receding footsteps through the door then turned back into her bedroom. Ursa's sun-catcher was casting light and color across the room, the sun shining low through her window. It was still unbearably early, especially for Katara, so she took off her boots, her robe, and her leggings, and crawled back under the covers in just her tunic. Her sheets were luxuriously soft and she burrowed her face back into her pillow, pulling the blankets up to her chin, and immediately slipped back into a deep sleep. 

There was a swooping feeling in her stomach as she woke up. She was in Appa's saddle, alone, and the bison had lifted up over the cloud cover. She loved that swooping feeling when Appa took off and ascended high up over the clouds. It meant adventure or safety, depending on where they were headed or where they were coming from. It meant home, too, because she was with her friends, her family. 

Scooting to the edge of the saddle, she leaned over to look down below. But all she saw were the tops of clouds. It was either sunset or sunrise, she couldn't tell. Either way, the sun was on the horizon, lighting the clouds from below. The sky above her was pale, a mix of light pink and baby blue. Katara looked around for a marker of where she was or the time of day, but all she saw was the soft, pink, and blue haze of either dawn or dusk. 

Then Katara realized that no one was at the reigns and Appa was flying without any direction or purpose. She began to move toward Appa's head but stopped when a figure materialized before her, gripping the reins and looking ahead with a purpose and an intensity that Katara could feel from where she sat. Whoever it was, she trusted them. Katara laid onto her back and looked up at the blue sky, spotting the moon in a waxing gibbous hanging suspended over the clouds. She kept her eyes on her, on Yue, and let peace rush over her. She was safe on Appa; safe enough to fall asleep, safe enough to let her guard down. 

Before she could close her eyes, she got back up, out of curiosity, to see who was there to guide Appa while she slept. She recognized the black hair, loose and tossing in the wind. His back was straight, his shoulders set and determined. He turned around, as if aware that she was watching him, and she saw the rough skin of his scar as he turned his face toward her. He smiled at her and turned back around. 

Katara laid back down and closed her eyes. She was safe — safe enough to go to sleep. And then she was awake. She was in the same position she fell asleep in, curled up on her side, with her hand tucked under her cheek. It was a dream. Not a very eventful one, but Katara hadn't dreamt in so long that she felt disoriented. She could still feel the sensation of that swooping feeling in her stomach, of lifting up off the ground. It felt wrong to be settled firmly on the ground, as she was. 

Outside her window, the sun had risen considerably. She jolted awake and pushed off her covers. As she dressed, she observed where the sun was and was awash with relief to see it was nowhere near midday. She felt a thrill at having woken up in time and at getting up and out of her room before Zuko had the opportunity to come and get her. 

* * *

After gathering notes and scrolls from her study in the Royal Library, Katara made her way to Zuko's office.

His secretary, Seiji, stood as she entered the reception room. 

"Master Katara," he greeted. He gave her the customary Fire Nation bow and then sat down again at his desk. 

"Good morning, Seiji, is Zuko in his office?"

"He is, yes," Seiji nodded.

Katara stood beside his desk, her hands clasping her notes in front of her. When Seiji just blinked at her, she cleared her throat. "Oh, would you like me to see if he's available?" 

"Thank you, Seiji," Katara smiled. 

Seiji stood up and disappeared through the ornate doors behind his desk. He reappeared after a moment and nodded to Katara. She gave him a polite smile and walked past him into Zuko's office. 

As soon as the doors shut behind her, Zuko got up from his desk. "I was just about to go and get you," he said.

"I woke up in time for once," she quipped, trying to make light of it all. As usual, she was not great with jokes. Zuko didn't laugh, but he offered her a gentle smile.

"Well," he said, "it looks like we have some extra time then." He gestured toward the visitor's chairs.

Katara took a seat while Zuko took the seat beside her. She reached out and gently spun the globe in between them, running her finger along the mountain peaks, feeling the indentations where there were rivers and valleys. She thought of Toph and her ability to feel the actual earth and wondered if the sensations were at all similar. She trailed a finger down as it spun until she saw the white expanse of the South Pole and stopped to observe it. She leaned in to find where her village would be and was surprised to see a small, blue circle marking its location. 

"Our tribe is on your globe," she remarked excitedly. "How come I've never noticed it?"

Zuko reached out to touch the side of the globe that faced him. "The maps and globes were a bit out-dated and slightly problematic," he answered. "So I made sure they were all updated and redrawn." The two of them sat touching their respective sides of the globe. "I think your village has been there for a while now, though."

Katara considered the small, blue dot and tried to imagine how the first fourteen years of her life had been spent all within that tiny speck. "What's on your side?" she asked Zuko, peeking up over the globe to look at him. He looked up at her and then back down at the globe.

"The North Pole," he said. Katara snorted, laughing at herself. Zuko chuckled as well. 

"Obviously," she said, "I should have known that."

"Now that I'm looking at it, I never realized how much of the pole seems to be undiscovered."

"Most of it is tundra," Katara explained. "It would be nearly impossible to live out there, especially these days."

"What's different now?" Zuko asked. 

"Well, we're more connected than ever before," Katara explained. "If you had a village out in the tundra, it would be difficult to have contact with the outside world and most of the world relies on trade and exports nowadays."

"Very on topic," Zuko chuckled. "I'm sure there will be a lot of trade and export talk today."

Katara crossed her legs and leaned back in the plush chair. "Was Aang at the Earth Kingdom meetings yesterday?" 

"No, there was a disruption at a small prison on a central island, out east." Zuko got up from his seat and started to gather his scrolls and to check his time candle. He motioned for Katara that it was time for them to head over, so she got up from her seat to leave with him.

"He offered to go," Zuko went on, leading Katara out of his office and following her through the reception room. "He figured that since Uncle is here, that he could get the notes from him and Bumi while he went to check it out." 

Seiji called after Zuko before they got to the door and Zuko turned to accept a red ribbon scroll from him. He thanked Seiji and they continued, Zuko slipping off the ribbon and unrolling the scroll as they made their way to the meeting hall.

"What was the disruption?" Katara asked, walking alongside him as they strode down the corridor. 

"Uh," said Zuko, who was busy reading the message. "This is from Aang, actually."

Katara's stomach flipped as she thought of him going about his normal Avatar duties. She hadn't seen or spoken with him since the gala. She wasn't particularly eager to speak with him, but she knew the next time they saw each other, there would be a certain degree of awkwardness to wade through. 

They turned the corner to a small crowd of nobles and dignitaries huddled around the meeting hall's entrance, waiting for the Fire Lord's arrival before they entered and took their seats. Zuko nodded to them and received their bows and cordial greetings, Katara trailing close behind. She looked around for the other three Water Tribe representatives, but they weren't there yet. Zuko took his seat at the head of the table and Katara took her place by his side. 

"How did it go, then?" Katara asked, pulling his attention back to the scroll. 

"He said a prisoner escaped," Zuko answered, frustration evident in his voice. He set the scroll down but before Katara could reach for it and read for herself, Zuko quickly rerolled it and slipped it into his robe. "I'll tell you about it afterward," he said to her. 

Just then, Sokka burst through the door. He spotted Katara right away and pointed to her before making his way to the end of the room. 

"Hey Sis," he said, bumping Katara's shoulder as he took the seat beside her. "Hotman," he nodded to Zuko.

"Hi Sokka," said Katara, crossing her arms. She hadn't spoken with her brother much since the gala either and she wondered if Suki had told him anything about her breakdown during their walk earlier in the week. Her brother was always good at reading her mood — even if he chose to ignore it most of the time — and she was curious to see if he would mention anything. He gave her a quick smirk and then clapped a hand onto her shoulder. 

"Hello Katara," he said, giving her an intent look. She felt tears well up in her eyes — damn him! — but Sokka quickly shook his head and widened his smile — a nonverbal agreement that they would talk about it later. Katara sat up straighter and rubbed at her face.

She looked over and saw Zuko watching their quiet interaction. She caught the barest hint of sadness in his face and, in an instant, Katara felt a rush of cold in her chest, freezing her breath in her lungs and constricting the flow of blood to her fingers, making her hands feel numb and tingly, her breath quick and shallow. The look on Zuko's face sharpened the image of a memory Katara hated to remember. Of a girl her age, chained to a grate, thrashing in grief and a shattered sense of self. Her screams echoing in the courtyard, ignored by the Fire Sages and attendants who rushed in to assist the new Fire Lord — all the while, leaving his little sister to sob and hyperventilate on the ground alone. 

Katara closed her eyes and thought of Iroh's guidance from the night before. They had been walking through the garden, sharing some sweet cream and figs, while Iroh explained the effects of war on the mind and the ways a person could counteract the body's reaction to bad memories. When she remembered something that scared her, he told her, when memories forced her back into that place of fear and danger, then she had to remind herself that the threat was gone. To do that, she had to establish herself in reality and remind her brain of what was real. He sat her down at the bench in the main courtyard and had her practice. What could she hear, smell, see, or touch? So Katara focused on the sounds of her brother talking beside her and of the quiet background murmuring of everyone else talking in the room. She placed her hands on the table and felt the cool wood on her open palms. Katara took a few deep breaths and then felt a firm, warm hand on her arm and opened her eyes to see Zuko there, watching her and offering his own nonverbal communication.

_Are you okay?_

She nodded and pushed some of her hair behind her ear. The cold began to thaw in her chest as she caught Hahn and his advisor, Pilip, walk through the doors.

They took the seats opposite Sokka and Katara and Zuko signaled for the meeting to begin. 

"Good morning," he greeted. "This morning's meeting is to discuss trade and exports between the Fire Nation and the two Water Tribes. Today we have Hahn and Pilip here representing the Northern Water Tribe and Sokka and Katara here representing the Southern Water Tribe."

"Good morning!" Sokka said enthusiastically. "Excited to be here." 

From across the table, Hahn forced a smile. 

Katara eyed him wearily. She silently thanked Iroh for the practical advice, as she could now focus on the matters at hand. 

* * *

After about an hour of constructive discussion, Katara began to understand why Cheif Arnook had sent Pilip in as a representative alongside Hahn. He was much more well-spoken and knowledgable; he had a comprehensive understanding of how the war ended and how the Northern Water Tribe fit into the overall scope of how that last year had transpired. 

But he also worried her. Unlike Hahn, his intentions were hard to discern. Hahn had plenty of open distrust for the Fire Nation, due entirely to the besieging of the North by Admiral Zhao's naval forces, but Pilip was obviously holding back his true feelings. 

Katara had been working with the North for the past three years, corresponding with Cheif Arnook and receiving updates from her father on their tribe's correspondence with the North. Trade had begun after Aang's victory over Zhao when Pakku had decided to assist with the South's reconstruction, but since then trade negotiations had slowly become fraught.

She hoped this meeting would provide her with some clarity on why the North was hesitant to continue their established trade agreements. 

"I don't understand," said Sokka, expressing the same frustration. "Why are you suddenly —" 

"Let's cut to the chase, then." 

Katara looked over at the interruption to see Hahn leaning all the way back in his chair, his arms crossed. He flipped some of his hair out of his face and rolled his eyes. 

"What —," Sokka began, but Hahn cut him short again. 

"Why are we here pretending that everything is fine and dandy?" he asked, his tone purposefully inflammatory. "We're not gonna just let the South have all of these resources anymore."

Katara opened her mouth to protest, but Hahn continued.

"Look, Cheif Arnook sent us here to let you know that we're not going to sit back and let the South and the Fire Nation here take advantage of us," Hahn shouted. The other dignitaries down the table began whispering to each other as they tried to make sense of Hahn's seemingly sudden dissatisfaction. 

Sokka held up a finger, but Hahn was on a roll. Before he could continue, though, Pilip spoke up. 

"What Hahn is trying to say is that we're worried we're being exploited."

"Exploited?" Katara asked indignantly. "Explain how you're being exploited!"

"Well, for one, our exports seem to be much more valuable than anything the Fire Nation has to offer us," Pilip explained. "The Earth Kingdom can provide us with coal and we give them our crude oil in exchange, but the Fire Nation can only offer us nonessential goods at this point. The world no longer needs warships or weapons." 

Zuko shook his head, but Pilip went on. "The oil extracted from the Southern oil fields is being used domestically and the Fire Nation seems fine with letting the South keep it for themselves."

"For the reparation," Zuko clarified. Katara nodded, her face heating up with anger. Sokka beside her was sitting up as straight as he could. 

"Yes, the reparation," said Pilip sarcastically. "It's been three years and the South is _still_ being repaired."

"You don't believe us?" Katara asked. Pilip leveled her with a look that expressed how much he did _not_ believe them. "It takes much longer than three years to fully rebuild a demolished society, to rebuild a _culture_ ," she emphasized. "If the North hadn't neglected us for the entirety of the war, then there might have been more left to repair!"

Pilip lifted a hand in order to protest, but it was Katara's turn to press on. "And what about the waterbenders that the Fire Nation systematically imprisoned and _murdered_? We asked the North for refuge, but we were only met with silence."

"That has nothing to do with our current situation," said Pilip calmly. Katara felt herself becoming incensed. 

"It has _everything_ to do with our current situation," she argued. "I just said if the North offered any kind of help then we wouldn't be in this situation. Our entire culture was decimated and we were left living in just a handful of huts with hardly enough resources to feed ourselves. I think it's plenty fair that we utilize our own resources until we're in a stable enough position to export our own oil."

"So it's up to the North to provide the _entire_ world with oil? That hardly seems fair to me," Hahn chipped in. 

"The South has only a quarter of the oil preserves that you have in the North," Sokka added. "Why do you think we still need help from you guys? Our oil reserves are not even enough to sustain our own reparations." 

"Maybe if you weren't building palaces, then you could live off the oil you guys have, but it's not our responsibility to make sure you guys are getting rich off _our_ exports." Hahn flipped his hair again and Sokka made an affronted grunt.

"We're not building palaces," he shouted. "We're building a capitol building, just like any other nation has. You can't fault us for wanting to establish ourselves, especially since we haven't been taken seriously in over one hundred years!"

Hahn rolled his eyes but didn't argue further. He seemed to leave that responsibility to Pilip. 

"Look," Pilip continued, "Cheif Arnook sent us here to tell you our grievances and we're prepared to work with both the South and the Fire Nation for a trade agreement that would better suit us. So we can make that happen, or Hahn and I can return to the Northern Water Tribe and cease any trade with either of you."

"Okay," said Zuko, asserting his authority at last. "I understand your grievances with the Fire Nation and I'm willing to negotiate with you, but the Southern Water Tribe has a more dire need for resources right now. Theirs is a critical matter and the other nations _owe_ it to them to allow them the opportunity to rebuild," Zuko explained. "It may be too late for the Air Nomads, but the South has a chance to revitalize themselves and we are all offering them the help they need to do that. It's what's fair."

Pilip sat back, tapping his fingers against the table and looking sternly between Zuko, Katara, and Sokka. "We don't trust that that's what's happening," he said. 

"What don't you trust?" Katara asked. 

"We think you have more oil than you're letting on," he said directly to Katara. 

"I'm sure we do," Katara answered. "But we're a little concerned about what accessing more oil will do to our land and —" she pointed to Pilip and Hahn, "I'm a little concerned about what _your_ oil extraction is doing to _your_ land as well."

"Well, it's not your land to worry about," Hahn inserted haughtily. 

"I'm aware," said Katara, "but we know about pollution and I've seen first hand what extraction of coal does to nature — there's no saying what oil extraction will do." 

"Oil is natural," said Pilip. "The earth gave us this resource to use at our own will and in order to thrive, we need to utilize it as best we can."

"Tell that to the poorer villages that will have to live with the fallout," Katara argued hotly. "Tell that to the villages whose rivers are so polluted they couldn't feed themselves."

"Yes, we know all about the _Painted Lady,_ " said Pilip pointedly. Katara could see Sokka crossing his arms in her periphery, as well as Zuko giving her a concerned glance, but her vision was quickly narrowing in on Pilip and his smug, stupid face. She felt like she was on the verge of summoning all the water from the carafes and water glasses placed on the table and freezing this guy to the wall, before forcing him to realize how greedy he was making the North seem. Greedy and reckless and so against the peace and kindness that the rest of the world seemed intent on pursuing. But before she could make any further movements, Zuko cleared his throat. 

"Let's end this meeting here," he asserted. "We'll pick this back up in the afternoon ...since we clearly have some reevaluating to do."

"Works for me," said Pilip. He and Hahn stood up together and were the first to leave the meeting hall. The rest of the attendees left as well, leaving Zuko, Sokka, and Katara alone in the large, empty room. 

"Wow," said Sokka in disbelief. Katara released the fists she had unknowingly formed and all the glasses shattered as she quickly froze and unfroze all the water inside them. Water flooded over the table's surface and spilled over the sides. Sokka raised an eyebrow at the sudden mess but remained nonplussed; Zuko startled and turned his attention to Katara to make sure she was still okay. 

Katara took in a deep breath and, when she let it out, she moved her arms to sweep all the water up and into the mostly empty carafe. "Sorry," she said.

The three looked at each other for a moment, none of them knowing where to start. Katara felt like she could boil water with how hot her anger was making her. 

"I was ...not expecting that," said Sokka. 

"Unbelievable!" Katara shouted. "I hate him."

"This _is_ worrying," agreed Zuko. 

A silence fell over them. Zuko reached into his robe and pulled out Aang's letter. Katara had forgotten all about it and now Zuko was holding it gingerly in his hands, hesitation evident in the downward tilt of his mouth. Sokka raised his eyebrows at him, pointing to the scroll. 

"What's that?" he asked.

"This probably isn't a good time," Zuko began. "But you both need to know."

Katara nodded for him to continue, hoping that Aang's news might give her something else to focus on. Zuko shifted in his seat and slowly unrolled the letter. He cleared his throat as he scanned down the page, pausing midway through. 

"I was told there was cause for concern at a small prison on the eastern edge of one of the Fire Nation's central islands," Zuko prefaced. "Aang volunteered to fly over there and see how he could help."

"Okay," said Sokka, anticipating Zuko's hesitation. 

"I wasn't sure why he was so quick to volunteer his time, but now it makes sense."

"What is it?" Sokka's tone turned serious and Katara felt her stomach clench. 

"It seems that the disruption was caused by an imprisoned waterbender," Zuko said softly. His eyes caught Katara's as her vision began to blur around the edges. "An old innkeeper by the name of Hama." 

"Oh no," said Sokka. He reached out and placed a hand on Katara's shoulder. "What happened?"

"It seems someone from the inside helped her escape," Zuko stated. 

"Escape?" Katara exclaimed. "What do you mean? She's free?"

"Aang writes that he's pursuing her now," Zuko continued. "And there's no reason to believe she would come here, to Caldera."

"What makes you think that?" she asked. Her chest was beginning to feel cold again and she felt the urge to start crying. Exhaustion weighed down her limbs as the realization washed over her — Hama was out there. And if Aang couldn't track her down then Katara would have to do it. She couldn't let Hama traipse around, bloodbending at will or, worse, teaching it to others. 

"Aang suspects that a Northern tribesman disguised himself as a Fire Nation prison guard to break her out," Zuko explained. "He thinks she's headed to the Northern Water Tribe."

"This makes absolutely no sense!" Sokka exclaimed, hitting the table with an open palm. "I've talked to Cheif Arnook plenty of times since the comet and we've always been on the same page."

"I knew about their concerns over the oil," said Katara absently. 

"We all did, but it's not like we're running out anytime soon," Sokka added. 

Katara shook her head and dropped her face into her hands. She wasn't surprised by Hahn and Pilip's grievances and she knew there was pressure from all nations to increase in oil extractions. But her anger was quickly morphing into dread and suspicion as she tried to figure out how Hama's escape fit into this escalating crisis. It was only two days ago that her dread came from talking to Aang about their relationship. Ironically, the fear she felt now felt more productive. The dread she felt when her friends arrived was too nebulous and confusing. 

Before she could devolve into another spiral of anxiety, her brother squeezed her shoulder and pulled her out of it. "We should go for a walk," he told her. Katara nodded and the three of them left the meeting hall. Zuko gave Sokka Aang's scroll to read over and they made a plan to meet back at Zuko's office before the meeting commenced again in the afternoon. Then Sokka led Katara through the entryway and past the Royal Palace walls. They walked toward the ocean, meandering along the cobblestone road. The sun was bright overhead as Katara fell into a stony silence, her mind racing. Sokka slowed their pace as they walked the hill down to the docks and Katara felt a gentle push on her arm. Her brother was smiling at her, worry embedded in his features. "So," he said. "Shall we talk about it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first starting writing this story, I was having a lot of fun coming up with new plot ideas and different scenarios. But reading it back now I feel like the story is a bit messy for it, so I'm going to be slowly revising previous chapters so that it's all more cohesive. Thanks to those who have left comments on past chapters! Sorry I haven't responded to them, but now that I'm more sure of where the story is headed, I would love to hear your feedback!
> 
> Hope you have a great week!


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